Curbing My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – One Child At A Time

People told me when I was pregnant the second time around, I would feel like a professional and not stress near as much with this baby, but I was not convinced. Did they not know me? I, by nature, am a type A, anxiety ridden, crazy person.

Right before my second son was born I began reflecting and taking notes on all the things I did with my first son to try and prepare myself. Once I reached the end of the list, I could already feel the tightening in my chest from the anxiety. How was I going to keep up with all this and look after a toddler too? After closer evaluation I thought to myself: Is this a joke? What an idiot! Right then and there I decided it would be best if my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I – parted ways. Moving forward I would have a go-with-the-flow type of attitude, or else I knew I would drive myself straight to the grave trying to keep up. So far this attitude has been working. Not only has this approach minimized my anxiety, but I actually enjoy parenting a lot more this time around. Who knew?

Below are just a few obsessive behaviors I demonstrated with my first son that I have completely abolished with my second. I won’t be mad if you judge me for being the anal retentive person that I was. Please feel free.

  • I had to have every latest-and-greatest piece of baby gear on the market. This is Chicago. Why did I fill my tiny condo with crap I barely even used, if at all?
  • He ate every two hours on the dot. There was no veering from that schedule no matter where we were or what was going on.
  • For two weeks after his birth, I made my husband take shifts with me where we would stay up 24 hours and watch the baby sleep to make sure he was breathing. The shifts were three hours each. Question: Why does my husband still love me?
  • I sprinted to the ER for everything! Scratches, rashes, coughing, eye goop – you name it, I thought it was an emergency! I’m sure the doctors rolled their eyes each time they saw me come in.
  • I dressed him to the nine’s – at all times. He looked as if he was attending an Oscar party just to go to daycare. What baby doesn’t need a sweater vest and designer jeans to finger-paint?
  • I had four strollers! One for the car seat to snap in, one for walking, one for running and one for travel.
  • I carried hand sanitizer and would make anyone who wanted to touch him douse themselves in it first.
  • When he went to sleep – our lives stopped. No movement or noises were allowed. Maybe that’s why it took over three years to have another baby?
  • Anytime I left the house, even if to only get gas, I would take the entire nursery with me along with a diaper bag.
  • I had several outfit changes for him at all times. If one drip of salvia touched his outfit, I would change him.
  • I dressed him like he was on the bomb squad just to ride his tricycle.

Helicopter moms: ante up! I see you and raise you by a million.  While most of my friends would still say I hover more than the average mom, at least they would agree I’m no longer holding residence at the insane asylum.

I'm holding on for dear life!
I’m holding on for dear life!

 

My (Last) First’s

Remember when I adamantly begged all of you to talk me down from the ledge the minute I started considering a third child? Well my friends – the time has arrived. My son is only five months old and I’m already yearning to give him another sibling.

With my first son I was so excited for each milestone and couldn’t wait for the next. I remember cheering aloud the minute he could hold his own bottle or could sit up without assistance because, selfishly, this meant less work for me. I loved seeing him grow and learn new things, take his first steps and say new words. It was all so heartwarming and as a new parent it made me feel as if I was doing something right.

With my new baby the table has completely turned. Each first milestone accomplished for him – is one last milestone experience for me. It wasn’t until I witnessed him smile for the first time that I realized I might never get to experience this moment again. The minute the corners of his mouth bowed up into his cheeks as he lovingly gazed into my eyes, a feeling of pure happiness came over me followed by one of deep sadness. I couldn’t tell if my tears were that of joy or pain. Those were feelings I wasn’t prepared for and apparently neither was my uterus.  My mind was begging for another baby while my body was running for the hills.

I dare you not to smile from this!
I dare you not to smile from this!

Now with each move my baby makes I alert my husband with a sad face and state, “That was my last first.” I cried after his first giggle, when he rolled himself over, when he first grabbed his lovie, and even when he had his first big diaper blowout. Yes, I didn’t even mind cleaning up the epic mess that sprawled all the way up his back and into his hair.

Some might say this is a tinge of postpartum depression. My husband likes to joke that I have eternal baby fever because babies are essentially like crack cocaine to me. He’s right, I’m obsessed – it’s a problem. But maybe I feel so desperate for another because I know my fertile days are numbered? Or because closing the baby-making chapter in my life sounds a bit depressing. That would mean I’m getting older and that’s a hard pill to swallow. Where’s the fountain of youth when you need it?

Knowing my history with getting pregnant and carrying the baby itself, the odds of us having another child is pretty slim to none. Plus, I’m pretty sure I would have to Roofie my husband and take advantage of his comatose state to get pregnant. He is absolutely not on board the third-baby-having-train. He also has no plans of changing his ticket either, unless of course, I relentlessly beg him and remind him of the old saying, “Happy Wife – Happy Life”.

Until we come to our ultimate decision my coping mechanisms will be to try and capture every second of his life so I can replay them over and over again. I will also remember to savor each and every hug, kiss and cuddle. I may even be that mom who nurses her son until he’s ten to keep our bond strong. Just kidding I’m not that crazy – only until he’s eight. In the meantime, I’m afraid I might need a psychiatrist on hand. Know any good ones?

Losing The Dreaded Pregnancy Weight

There are very few things in life more difficult than losing weight, especially as you get older. It takes dedication and a commitment to make life changes.  As humans we are creatures of habit and unfortunately we pick up bad habits rather quickly.

I recently had my second baby and as a normally petite 5’2” woman, pregnancy has never my strong suit. I also have a giant husband who measures in at a whopping 6’5”.  Together we produced two very large, tall, boys.

Going into this pregnancy I knew it would be my last so I didn’t restrain myself from any cravings. If I wanted a cookie, I was going to eat a cookie… okay, maybe two cookies – who’s counting anyways? I also headed up the Catering department at a luxury hotel so indulging in amazing food was not something I was ever going to turn down.  Pregnant women like to joke they are now eating for two, but let’s be honest here; the second person is practically the size of a melon. I’m sure they don’t require a whole cookie just for themselves.

I admit my love for food is unparalleled, pregnant or not.  This obsession coupled with hypothyroidism, hormone treatments, and an intense sweet tooth caused me to gain nearly 20lbs before I even became pregnant.  During my pregnancy I gained another 40lbs, so I knew once this baby arrived – I would have my work cut out for me.  In my last trimester I put together a weight loss game plan.  I knew if I waited I would get caught up in the daily struggles of taking care of a newborn and my goals may have been sidelined.

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Let me first state that I am not a weight loss expert, a doctor, a nutritionist or even a personal trainer – I am just a busy mom who is passionate about my health and the example I set for my boys.

The first step was writing my goals down and sharing them with friends and family. I am a firm believer in sharing your goals so you are held accountable for them.  Plus, you can use the encouragement and support you receive as inspiration to continue on your path.  Next, I created a realistic timeline.  It takes nine months to put on the weight and it very well may take nine months (or longer) to take it off. Being a mom is stressful enough so be sure to make attainable goals, as you want your weight loss to be a healthy one.  Finally, I downloaded some helpful Apps to track my progress and started following a few fitness blogs. Over the last several months, I continued to stay true to myself and my goals.  If I cheated one day, I made a conscious effort not to do it the next day or any future days.

Below are some tips that helped me reach my goal weight:

  • I wrote down my goals and shared them.
  • I chose to nurse my son.  Nursing, if you can and choose to, will help you lose up to 500 calories a day! This helped tremendously with my initial weight loss.
  • I toned down my portions. Eating off of a salad plate rather than a dinner plate helped me gain perspective on my portion sizes.
  • I eat very little dairy, refined sugars and gluten.  Diary and gluten can give your baby gas when nursing so giving them up was a win for both my baby and me.  I know gluten-free products can be expensive so try substituting one item at a time that your budget allows.
  • Sweets are now just an occasional treat, not part of my daily meal plan. I do miss my cookies though!
  • I signed up for a Mommy Fit class. These classes are a great way to incorporate your baby into your fitness routine, and are  perfect networking opportunities for you to meet other new moms.
  • I enjoy running as a cardio workout so I signed up for future races to keep my goals ongoing.
  • I follow fitness / healthy lifestyle blogs religiously.  Three of my favorites: New mom, Kelsey Byers Fitness, Becci Prather Fitness, and Angela Carpenter, The Yoga Life Blog.  All give recipes, food recommendations, fitness routine suggestions and post videos to show the ‘How To’.
  • I have two Apps that I also use religiously: The Nike + Running App to track my miles and running goals and My Fitness Pal to track my calories, food intake and exercise goals.
  • When the baby naps I try to use that time to work out, whether it’s simple floor exercises, push-ups or using hand weights.
  • This one may sting a little… I consume very little alcohol. Alcohol is a complete waste of calories and it also prevents me from nursing my son.  I now consider it only as a treat on special occasions. The nightly glass of wine for relaxation is now a thing of the past.

baby weight

Today my son is almost five months old and my progress has exceeded my expectations. When I checked into the hospital I weighed 185lbs, I currently weigh 120lbs. I feel amazing but most importantly – I feel healthy.

 

 

Girl’s Night Out vs. Mom’s Night Out

Remember when you could call up a few girlfriends on a Saturday morning and plan a night out for that evening? You could then go get a mani-pedi, shop for an outfit and may even have time for a blowout.  The night usually started out with cocktails and a nice meal, followed by some dancing into the wee hours of the morning.  The conversation was often centered around men, careers, travel plans or some other chick you hated at your job.  You were worry-free, responsibility-free and kid-free. Those were the days.

What 'Girls Night' used to be..
What ‘Girl’s Night’ used to be..

It recently dawned on me how much my social life has changed when I planned a girl’s night out for my birthday a few weeks ago.  I enlisted some friends to help because as a working mom I barely have time to eat, let alone plan a night out.  All of my friends attending were moms too so we sent a “Save the Date” a month in advance.  Yes, a month in advance. This was a far cry from the days of “Hey, lets go grab a drink tonight”.

The night finally came and eight of my friends were able to make it. The first stop we made was a candle-making place. This is what’s now fun to us – making candles. I guess dancing on the bar is out of the question. After we made candles we went to a winery where we indulged in cupcakes and wine. We didn’t have time for a full dinner since we all have young kids at home, but I didn’t care because these were two of my favorite things paired with great company. As we’re enjoying our wine, two of the eight girls arrived late and were already in tears as they walked through the door. Wow, we’ve just started and there are already tears?  The tears used to come at the end of the night after many alcoholic beverages. We quickly got them a glass of wine and one spilled hers.  This resulted in more tears.

She explained she had a sick toddler for over a week, which in mom-land seems more like a year. She hasn’t had any sleep and only hears whining around the clock.  As she told us her sorrows she gulped down wine and we nodded sympathetically.  My other friend has a traveling husband and works full-time herself.  That alone is worth some tears.  She complained about her stressful week and how she feels like she is drowning.  Unfortunately, I can relate to both to both of them.

The night soon morphed into a therapy session for all of us.  Sometimes no one understands better than other moms.  We all complained and occasionally threw in the obligatory, “I love my kids, but”. We reminisced how girl’s night out used to be and laughed while we devoured some nachos. We discovered that none of us are Supermom, and we’re all just trying to do the best we can.  Even though there was not any dancing or throwing back shots, it actually turned out to be the perfect night – for moms.

Eventually the tears turned into smiles and we marked our calendars for another girl’s mom’s night in the near future. The next morning I woke up feeling great and I was able to enjoy my kids a little more knowing my friends share in the same struggles as I do.  Time-outs are just as important for moms as they are for toddlers – even if it’s just to make candles. I would, however, recommend that wine be involved too.  Cheers. 

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!

 

 

 

 

7 Things You Do If You’re A Parent Of Young Children

Remember when you first found out you were going to be a parent?  I bet you swore you would never do things you saw other parents do.  You also probably thought you would still be able to partake in adult activities, maintain an immaculate home, and not let your kids dictate your life.

So how’s that working out for you?  

 Not going as planned?

 That’s what I thought.

Before becoming a parent – I too believed in this fantasy.  Now I’ve accepted the things I can’t change and have embraced the nuances that coincide with parenting young children. There are specific certainties that parents of infants and toddlers just have to succumb to. We all belong to a special club and membership requires some if not all of the following:

 

Your living room looks like you put a couch in the middle of Gymboree.

I swore once we had kids that our living room would remain kid-free. Unfortunately, this only lasted a few months. Now it’s plagued with toys and baby gear even though we have a designated playroom downstairs. The couch and ottoman are now used as a trampoline and the television console has become the emergency stop for all my son’s racecars. We used to have nice things – not so much anymore.  

There goes my 'adult' space
There goes my ‘adult’ space

Your car is a place where Goldfish go to die.

The car wash has actually charged me extra when I take my car in to get cleaned. When they see me pull in, half of the staff suddenly goes on break. My car has definitely seen better days, which didn’t include sticky chocolate milk stains and remnants of Goldfish crackers smashed into the carpets.

 

You now dine with senior citizens.

Dinnertime with kids is now at 5 pm. If and when you are able to go to a restaurant, you will only be in the company of senior citizens or other families with small children. Once you’re there you have a very limited time to shovel all your food in your face and then race home before the clock strikes bedtime.  If you don’t make the bedtime deadline your kids will turn into little demons. Not exaggerating.

 

You no longer get embarrassed.

The days of caring what others think are long gone after the first few hundred times your kid acts like a raging lunatic in public.  You become a pro at ignoring them and everyone else.  You also find yourself doing embarrassing things like: smelling your kids butt to see if they have a dirty diaper, licking their face to clean it and even picking their nose. 

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You will never be on-time again.

Even if you plan ahead, set everything out the night before and wake up early – you will still be running late. Your kids have no concept of time nor do they care about being punctual. The simplest thing like putting on their jacket can take up to 20 minutes.  The world now revolves around them.  You’ll need to accept this early in the game in order to keep your sanity.

 

You know every character and song played on Disney Junior.

You can’t remember the last time you watched a non-animated show.  You find yourself singing the songs and getting excited for any new episodes of your child’s favorite cartoons – because ultimately these will serve as the babysitter when you need a break. You may even find yourself sitting in an arena watching all the characters singing and skating around on ice.  Never say never.

 

You have become an expert at multi-tasking.

You quickly learn how to utilize your time wisely.  Who knew you could prep dinner while feeding your baby, paying your bills, loading some laundry and even checking Facebook all at the same time? I often wear my baby around the house so I can have my hands free to take care of other things.  As a parent you have to get creative or you will never get anything done.

 

I’m sure there are many more behaviors that bond us as parents with small children, these are just some of my favorites.  What are the tell-tale signs of parents with small children to you?

 

 

 

 

 

 

Embracing the Stay-At-Home Mom Status

It has been one year since I resigned from my corporate job.  Although I work from home part-time, most of my time is spent as a stay-at-home mom.  The first few months of my transition where difficult as I had been working, sometimes two jobs, since I became of the legal age to do so.

I had grown accustomed to the rat race and always being in a rush. I wasn’t bothered by my phone ringing constantly, or by the dozens of people who needed me daily – all at once.  My days were filled with presentations, client meetings, analyzing budgets and attending strategy meetings. This was my normal and I enjoyed it for a long time, however when my work-life balance began to fade quickly when my son was born – my priorities shifted.  If I was going to bow out of the race for a bit, there wasn’t a better time to do it. So….I did just that, gracefully of course. Carpe diem!

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At first I marveled in the thought of finally having time for me. I envisioned a life of leisure – spending my days working out, lunching with friends, running errands and doing things with my son.  Unfortunately, this fairy tale never came to be.  The reality was my frantic corporate job was much easier than being a stay-at-home mom. I am just as busy and my days revolve around entertaining a toddler.  My presentations are now crayon drawings of stick figures labeled: Mommy and Sebastian.  Boy.. are their attention spans short or what!? It’s a constant dog-and-pony show around here. 

The days have flown by and we finally figured out a schedule, until we welcomed our new baby in November.  Now I am back at square one.  I’m hoping by his 10th birthday, I will have it together.  All of this is a far cry from my life just a year ago, however through it all I have learned to embrace the benefits of being a SAHM.

Some benefits (for me) are:

More time with my little men!

This is obviously the biggest advantage of staying home. Before, I was lucky if I got to kiss them goodnight. Our weekends were often rushed with activities and chores, which translated into stress and anxiety.  Now I get to hug and kiss them a lot more, which I am sure they love too!

SAHM friends!

First order of business after my resignation was to make other SAHM friends.  It’s hard to have SAHM friends when you work because once you get home you are doing the same thing they’re doing: baths, dinner and bedtime routines. Making new friends allowed me to get adult time and give my kids new playmates. Plus you have someone who gets how being a SAHM is just as difficult as working in the corporate world. Trust me – adults can act like children just as much as your toddler can.

Embracing the yoga pant!

My first few weeks at home I dressed up – literally.  What was I thinking?  You are thrown up on all day, why would I wear something nice?  Then one day I put on my yoga pants to work out in…. and they stayed on for the next ten months.  First, yoga pants are extremely comfortable and second they make everyone think you are a regular at the gym.  Suckers! My only warning is that yoga pants can somewhat trick you – we often forget they stretch. This means they still fit after you binge on cake and nachos.  Then you act surprised when you put your jeans on and they seem a little tight. Ladies, don’t let the yoga pants fool you; you really do need to work out. Damn it – I thought I found a short cut!

Yay no more suits!
Yay no more suits!

HGTV/ Food Network

TV was a luxury I just didn’t have time for.  On the rare occasion time did allow for TV, it was showing Disney Junior.  Not that I have a lot of time for TV now, but when the boys are napping I can feed my obsession with HGTV and The Food Network!  I learned to cook from The Food Network and HGTV brought out the designer in me that I didn’t even know existed! You just have to be careful not to get the bug to renovate your entire house from all the ideas you get.  House Hunters International makes me feel like I’m exploring the world from my very own couch.  Who says you need to pay for an expensive, exotic vacation? It’s all right there on HGTV!

VIP at Starbucks

Starbucks takes on a whole new role when you’re a mom – it’s your escape. It may be the only adult contact you receive all day, and they make you a delicious, energy-boosting beverage.  The only way your beverage could be better is if there were alcohol in it!  It’s also awesome that you don’t have to wait in line like cattle during rush hour!  All the barista’s know me and are involved in my life.   They know my drink and have it ready as soon as I enter the store, and they even act like they love my kids. I heart you Starbucks!

Less guilt

When I was working full time I always felt guilty.  Do my kids know me? Am I neglecting them? If I went to get a haircut or went to the grocery store without them, I felt like it was one less minute I should be spending with them.  In doing this I created more anxiety for myself.  I needed (and deserved) that time for me too. Now since I spend most of my time with my boys, as soon as my husband gets home I have no problem running out the door for a pedicure. It’s a win-win, we spend time together and my feet aren’t hideous!  I actually enjoy my me time without feeling like I have to rush home now.

 

I’m sure there are many more, but these are my top observations over the past year. As a work-a-holic, I thought I would absolutely hate staying home and it turns out – it’s pretty awesome! I have fully embraced this new chapter in my life. What are your favorite things about being a SAHM? Or a Working Mom? Share with us.

 

Baby Gizmos & Gadgets

It’s hard to believe how much has changed in the land of baby paraphernalia since my first son was born just three years ago.  Walking through BuyBuyBaby shopping for our second baby, I’d literally get heart palpitations.  The people behind this store are brilliant because they make any mom feel like she needs everything they are selling.  Why yes, I need that $900 stroller…who doesn’t?  I would stand and watch demo videos for every product in the store with wide eyes, then gaze at my husband with puppy dog eyes.  This was code for: we need this or our baby will be doomed!  Needless to say we spent a small fortune on top of all the hand-me-downs from our first son.  Some items were definitely worth it while others were not.

I know there are a lot of new moms and moms-to-be who follow the blog so I wanted to share some insight on my favorite things, as well as things you could probably pass on. Each photo has a link to the product for your convenience. 

Items I love:

  • Momaroo – Awesome-a-roo! This thing is LEGIT. Totally worth the money and as a bonus – it’s small.  As a Chicagoan this helps tremendously as our space is limited.  It fits nicely in the corner and my little guy loves it.
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  • Medela Breast Pump– If you are nursing this is hands down the best pump.  It lasted a full year of pumping with my first son and I’m able to use it with this baby.  Spend the extra money, it’s worth it.
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  • Grocery Cart Protector – This turned out to be one of my favorite things!  We used it all the time with my first son.  You can even lay your baby down in it.  Being a germ-a-phone, it also eased my mind knowing my baby wasn’t touching all the germs on the handle. Totally worth the purchase.
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  • Hands Free Pumping Bra – I didn’t know about this with my first son until a friend clued me in. If you are pumping, this is a must.  Who doesn’t need their hands free?  It is great to use at work as well because you can still answer emails and catch up on work uninterrupted while pumping.
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Follow Link to Purchase
  • Nose Frida – Okay this looks gross, however it is amazing.  It works way better than your typical nasal aspirator. It completely clears your baby’s nose. My baby has a difficult time nursing when he can’t breathe fully from his nose. Nose Frida takes care of that and clears his sinuses. Do yourself a favor and get one stat!
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  • Boppy Lounger – This has been really helpful for both my son’s.  I set it next to me on the couch and lay my napping baby on it.  I can still be close to them and it’s comfortable for them to sleep on.  This is not to be used if unattended.
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Follow Link to Purchase
  • Pack-N-Play with Changing Area – I’m an idiot and did not get a Pack-n-Play with my first son.  We didn’t have the room in our small condo.  However now that we live in a three-level town home, this works perfectly.  The changing table prevents me from running up and down the stairs all day to change him.  If you live in a multi-level home, I would definitely recommend this.
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Follow Link to Purchase
  • Wipe Warmer- I’ve seen other Blogs say this is a waste of money, but when you live in Chicago or any cold weather climate – it’s a must.  The cold wipes send my son into shock followed by a screaming tantrum, especially at night.  It’s cold! They are cold! Those wipes are cold! At least try to comfort their booty with a warm wet wipe.
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Follow Link to Purchase
  • Portable Music Player (MyBaby)– This little piece of magic machinery is a life saver! I put this in the bassinet and his car seat. It instantly calms him down.  It comes with four sounds, has a timer and a clip to easily hang from the car seat.

music

  • Glass Bottles- Bottles are always a hard find.  It depends on what your baby likes. With this baby I decided to try glass bottles because heating anything in plastic makes me nervous.  I’ve come to love (and my baby too!) Life Factory bottles.  He doesn’t get gas from air pockets, they fit in any bottle warmer and they are easy to clean. They also come with a cute little silicon cover.
Life-factory-glass-baby-bottles
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Now for some items you can pass on:

  • Fancy Burp Cloths – Guess what? They vomit on them 24/7 so why spend money on cute little (thin) burp cloths?  I use old school cloth diapers.  You can get (6) in a pack for the price of (1) fancy one. Don’t waste your money.
  • Clothes – I guarantee everyone else will buy you clothes.  This is the most common gift for new babies. Plus, you’ll end up just rotating whichever clothes are easiest to change their diapers in. Also, more than half the clothes your baby has will never be worn because he/she grows by the hour.
  • Swaddle Blankets – Good news – the hospital gives you those!  Stock up on a few before you leave, you are paying for ‘supplies’ on your hospital bill anyways – take advantage of the ‘free’ supplies!
  • Crib Sets – Baby bedding is so expensive and they can’t have it in their cribs anyways!  Bumpers, unless breathable ones, are not supposed to be used. The big thick blankets pose a suffocation risk too.  Buy a simple crib sheet and for warmth buy sleep sacks.  Save the bedding money for when they are toddlers.
  • Shoes- In case you didn’t notice, babies can’t walk.  Their feet never touch the ground, so why buy shoes? Plus, they grow so fast they may get to wear them only a few times. I know baby shoes are cute but until they can walk you are better off just buying cute socks.

Helpful savings tips:

  • Sign up on Diapers.com or Amazon Mom for diapers and wipes. In the long run you’ll save money and they send you discounts and coupons frequently. Shipping is free too!
  • If you sign up to receive emails from BuyBuyBaby, you get 20% off coupons frequently by email and regular mail.  You can use BedBath&Beyond coupons there too! Lastly, they take multiple coupons for the same transaction. When you have kids it’s all about saving money!

Hope this information helped.  If you have any additional tips or products you loved, leave them in the comments section for our new moms who need the advice.

 

No One Is More Important Than You

In your adolescent years it is quite common to receive advice about life and what is to come in adulthood.  Most of this advice you tend to shelf because not only do you find yourself to be invincible, but adulthood seems like light-years away.  Then one day, poof, you’re an adult and all those words that came out of your parents’ mouths suddenly start to make sense.  An invaluable statement my mother made to me when I was a young girl was:

“Never lose yourself in someone or something else. Once you lose yourself, you will find you really have no one.”

At the time I thought she just said this because she hated my boyfriend and knew I deserved better (which by the way – she was right!), however she really said it because she saw a pattern forming.  I would often sacrifice what was important to me or change myself to please others, especially men.  I would lose myself, which ultimately resulted in my own misery.

As I grew into a woman, I started understanding more of the importance of her statement.  I was responsible for my own happiness.  If I lost sight of what I wanted and needed, I would never truly be happy.

Women wear many hats in life: wife, partner, mother, and employee, just to name a few.  It is very easy to give all your energy and time to these obligations and forget about what’s most important – you.  If you are not happy, odds are your family isn’t happy.  If you are always miserable, your career is probably suffering too.  It is imperative to take time to do what you like to do, even if it’s one hour a week to read a book or get a pedicure. It’s okay to divert some of that energy and attention to yourself. As a mother of two, I know it’s hard to find time and mother’s guilt can often keep you from doing things for yourself, but I will fill you in on a little secret:  Not only are you worth it…you deserve it!

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As we enter a New Year, make a resolution to love yourself more.  Make you a priority.  Ask for help when needed, and take it without feeling guilty. Go on that run every other night.  Have a girl’s night where there are plenty of adult beverages to enjoy. Hell, even lock the door when you take a shower so your kids won’t come in and disrupt you.

Taking the time to unwind resets your mind and spirit.  You’re just as important as your partner, your children, and your career.  Remember:  If momma isn’t happy – no one is.

 

 

To All the Father’s Out There: It’s Not You, It’s Us.

As you may already know women are innately crazy, especially when in regards to our children.  We are overprotective, jealous, and all-knowing when it comes to the well-being of our babies.  It comes from a place deep inside, and we are unable to tame it. So know the next time we yell at you for something you did with the kids, we truly can’t help ourselves.  We just see things completely different.

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Right before we had our son a month ago, I sat down next to my husband and told him I wanted to apologize in advance.  With a puzzled look on his face he followed up with a hesitant,

“For what? Do I dare ask?”

“You’ll see after the baby is here, so remember this sincere apology.”

I wanted to apologize early because I remembered how I turned into a certified lunatic right after we had our first kid.  Nothing he could do was right when caring for our baby.

“You’re not being gentle!”

“His diaper is too tight!”

“Wash your hands before you touch him!”

“Cuddle with him!”

“Don’t cuddle too tight!”

“Don’t shove the bottle in his mouth!”

“You’re going to slow!”

“You’re not going fast enough!”

In the essence of time, I will stop there or else I could probably go on forever.

With our second kid I was hoping, (hoping being the operative word), to be less of a psycho, but I knew the odds were not in my favor.  I am a woman and I am also obsessed with my kids. Plus, just like in pregnancy a woman’s hormones are a complete wreck after the baby until her body gets back to normal.  This alone is a recipe for disaster.

I have tried to explain this phenomenon to my husband many times, but it’s hard to find the right words.  I usually start with saying, “No one loves these kids more than me,” which is true, but it doesn’t mean he doesn’t love them.  He’s a great father and I know he loves them deeply….just not as much as me.

These two are inseparable!
These two are inseparable!

All fathers must understand that we spent what seemed like a lifetime baking these kids.  We fell in love with them as soon as the pregnancy test boasted a positive sign.  We felt their hiccups and movements in our bodies. We gave up wine and sushi for them.  We went through horrendous pain and sacrificed our bodies to get our babies here. Once they arrive, it’s our boobs that leak when they cry.  After all this, the last thing we want is for someone else to harm a hair on our precious little miracles heads.

I want all fathers to know that the excessive nagging and micro-managing truly comes from a place of love.

 

Life (Or Lack Thereof) With a Newborn

As many of you know I just had a baby.  He is not my first, but in many ways it feels that way.  My older son is three, so it seems like he was a baby a lifetime ago. I thought I remembered what life was like with a newborn, however I was wrong. I only remembered the basics: sleepless nights, lots of poopy diapers and, of course, vomit comets.

I forgot how your schedule is so tight with naps and feedings.  You literally have no time for anything!  Showers are a luxury at this point.  Anytime I sit down to eat or try and shower the baby suddenly manages to wake from his comatose nap.  It’s like he has mom radar:  MOM needs 5 minutes to shove food in her face or wash her dirty booty – time for me to wake up!

I also forgot that I am the human equivalent to a cow.  I make so much milk that not only do I breastfeed, but I have to pump too.  This is beyond time consuming.  I’m trying not to complain because I know I am losing a ton of calories a day. Every night I pray the skinny fairy will continue to grant me all this milk, because it is undoubtedly helping me on the scale.

Already out of room!
Already out of room!

 

Another lost memory was when you get close to your newborn to feed them and their little heads shake side-to-side in desperation until their piranha mouths latch on. Newborns wiggle a lot, so along with their super human strength it makes it hard to calm them down enough to feed. While feeding they grunt and swallow loud enough for the neighbors to hear.  I laugh at this every time. I only pumped with my first son because he wouldn’t latch, so I didn’t realize how painful breastfeeding could be. Three weeks in and my lady lumps are pretty much numb, so I think I’m past the electrocution feeling you get when they first start feeding.  Dramatic I know, but ask any woman and she will tell you the same thing – it hurts!

I did remember the sleep deprivation. It seems worse the second time around, mostly because I now have two kids to tend to. Nights are always entertaining around here. My husband has been a saint with helping in any way possible even though he has to work.  The only problem is ­– he is a very heavy sleeper, and by that I mean I could blast a trumpet in his ear and he still wouldn’t wake up. It usually takes a dozen times calling his name and shaking him to wake him up. I, on the other hand, can hear a single drop of water drip in the sink and spring awake.  He also wakes up very confused and out of it. I always tell him to take a minute to gain consciousness before he takes our newborn down the dark stairwell. The other night he volunteered for the 2 a.m. shift, so when I heard the baby starting to wake I woke him up, then I turned back to the bassinet to comfort the baby until he came to get him. After a few seconds I looked back and my husband was gone.  Where did he go? Bathroom?  Why are all the lights off? What’s happening?  I called his name and then heard him coming back up the stairs.  As he came into view I saw him carrying our 30-pound toddler.  He did not just take the wrong kid!  Yes, he did. Before I could open my mouth he said, “Don’t ask, I have no idea what I’m doing.” He laid our older son in the bed then came and grabbed the baby.  The next morning we were in tears laughing.  This is one story he will never live down!

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Overall, the biggest adjustment has been getting used to being a mom of two. Surprisingly my older son has been very accepting of his new baby brother.  When I saw him for the first time after the baby was born it was surreal.  Suddenly he wasn’t my baby anymore and he looked huge!  How did he get so big overnight?  Is he taking growth hormone behind my back? Stop growing so fast, my heart can’t take it! 

I feel so blessed to have my two boys and am enjoying every minute of this journey. My life feels complete. Now – if I can just get my husband to feed the right kid, I think we will be all right.