GUEST POST: When Your Kid Will Poop – by Norine of Science of Parenthood

Because you can’t talk about motherhood without including a “poop” story… my lovely friend, Norine, over at Science of Parenthood, offered to share this hilarious tale of a near poop disaster. Enjoy!

 

When will your kid poop … or pee for that matter? Well, it sure as hell won’t be the 10 times you ask if he has to use the potty. A child will always wait till the least convenient moment. And then he’ll have to go immediately.

My son was 3 when we were flying home to Orlando after my cousin’s wedding in Denver. My husband had had to work, so it was just the two of us, knocking around the Denver airport waiting to board our flight.

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to the airport.

He shook his head vehemently. “No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked before we went through security.

“No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to our gate.

“No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked as they started boarding our flight.

“No.”

poop

And so we settled into our seats in the bulkhead and fastened our seat belts. My son busied himself looking out the window at the planes maneuvering around the gates. I opened a New York magazine, I’d been looking forward to reading. (When your kid’s a toddler, how often do you get time to read something other than a board book?) I bared noticed when we pushed back from the gate and began rolling toward the runway. And then …

“Mommy…”

“Hmmm,” I murmured, absently.

“Mommy! …” he said, a bit more insistently.

“Yes?” I said, without looking up from the page.

“MOMMY!”

“What???” I turned to look at him.

“I need to go potty.”

“Now?!? Why didn’t you go when I asked you to?”

“I didn’t have to go before. I have to go now.”

Of course, he did. I looked around helplessly. I didn’t know what to do, what I could do. So I rang the Call button.

A flight attendant appeared almost instantly. “What can I do for you?”

“My son needs to go potty,” I explained. “Can we just pop into the bathroom, like super fast?”

She shook her head. “We’re next in line for takeoff,” she said. (Of course we were!) “Can he hold it?”

I certainly hoped so. I had no extra clothes in my bag, and the thought of spending the four-hour flight with a stinky, wet, cold, whining child wasn’t a happy one.

I have to say the next 25 minutes were among the tensest in my life as I parried my son’s repeated potty pleas with Not yet, Soon, In a few minutes and the increasingly desperate, Almost, baby. Just hold it a little bit longer.

As soon as I felt the plane level off, I rang the Call button again.

“Can I take him now?” I begged the flight attendant. “Please!”

“The seatbelt sign is lit, so I can’t tell you that you can get up,” she said.

“Are you gonna stand in my way?”

“Nope,” she said with a smile, moving aside so I could scoop my boy out of his seat and into the lavatory.

A few minutes later, we slid back into our seats, one dry, not poopy boy and one very relieved mom.

As we buckled our seat belts again, the flight attendant reappeared. “I thought you could use this,” she said with infinite kindness. Then she placed a cup of ice and a bottle of Stoli on my tray table.

 

If you loved this story, you need to hurry on over to Amazon to purchase the SOP book immediately!

SWP_Text

Norine Dworkin-McDaniel is co-author with illustrator Jessica Ziegler of Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations released in November by She Writes Press. It’s available on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Follow Norine and Jessica on their blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Is Science of Parenthood coming to your town? Check out our tour schedule. Want Science of Parenthood to come to your town? Message us!

8 Things I Actually Miss About Being Pregnant

Originally featured on Scary Mommy

I can hear the gasps now! Wait, what? Who misses being pregnant? All you do is pee yourself, waddle like a duck, gain more weight than you’d like to admit, and complain to your partner nonstop! So let me clarify: I don’t miss pregnancy in a let me go and get knocked up kind of way, but more in a I only miss it now because I don’t have to go through the experience again kind of way.

Since my husband and I have officially nixed any further family expansion plans, I thought I would relish the few fond memories I do have of my last two, brutal, pregnancies.

Besides the obvious (you get a cute little baby at the end) here are some benefits to being pregnant:

1. You can let it all hang out. This by far was the best perk of being pregnant. After many dinners that included seconds and dessert, I didn’t have to worry about sucking my belly in. I could just let it flop down between my legs and no one would guess that the bump was actually the consequence of my shameful indulgences. People look at your belly in awe because you are creating a little life in there, versus whispering to their friends that you may need to lay off the burritos for awhile.

preg

2. You have a free pass to sleep all the time. I love naps, but I always feel guilty taking them. I feel like that is time I could be spending with my family or being productive, but when I was pregnant, I slept all the time without the guilt! In fact, if anything or anyone came in between my day sleeping and me – there was hell to pay!

3. You have a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. I used this card often when helping with chores, driving, avoiding social events I was too tired for, and even tying my own shoes. It was glorious!

4. You can eat guilt free. Even though I’m typically a healthy eater, I allowed myself some gelato more times than I’d like to admit. You’re eating for two, right? Even though that second person is the size of a lemon, they need just as much gelato as you do. Plus, every bite was worth it.

5. You feel the baby move first. There is something very special about being the only one to share that experience with your baby. You fall in love with your baby first. They fall in love with you first – and that’s some magical shit.

6. You can pamper yourself more often. I had prenatal massages once or twice a month just so I could move, but those two hours were heaven on earth. I also had several pedicures a month. I loved convincing my husband to rub my feet, and he fell for it every time! I just might have to fake an injury or something so I can justify putting this pampering back into my monthly rotation.

7. You have thick gorgeous hair. Your hair looks like you walked out of a salon every day! The shine, the texture, the fullness – where did it go? This last time I lost a lot of hair post-partum. I’m regretting complaining about that lustrous hair now.

8. You have a leg up on any situation. Anytime someone complained about petty shit, you could always say, “I’m creating a life! What are you doing today?” Take that, people who always think they have it so rough!

For all the women who float through pregnancy with ease and love every minute of it, I envy you and almost don’t believe you. Pregnancy was one of the most emotional, and physically draining, things I’ve ever been through, but was absolutely worth it – even if it was just for the guilt-free gelato (and the cute little baby)!

DSC_0028

Embracing The “Suck” of Motherhood

Sometimes you just have to let go.

Sometimes you have to change your expectations and attitude.

Sometimes you have to embrace the suck.

Welcome to motherhood. Where the rules are often made up, life changes on a dime, and the particulars no longer matter.

Like that one time I spent 4 months getting up every 45 minutes to nurse because that’s what my baby now wanted and became so sleep deprived – I was literally walking into walls.

Or that one period when my baby’s first three teeth came came in all at once. (What a nightmare!) Tylenol, teething tablets, and frozen bananas didn’t even come close to calming him and there’s nothing worse than watching your child wail in pain – and you can’t do anything about it.

photo credit: mommasaid.net
photo credit: mommasaid.net

Each and every period of difficulty seems to be never ending. Sometimes I cry buckets of tears, I yell at myself and my baby in intervals, and even yell at God. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t He just give me a break? Is this really too much to ask?

And then the answer came: “Just let it go. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Just let it go.”

“Screw You! I’m so tired, I can’t do this, I can’t just let it go! How am I supposed to just ‘let go’ of not sleeping? I won’t accept it, I will make this kid sleep!”

“If you say so. Then when you’re ready, let go.”

Weeks and months went by of battling what couldn’t be battled, attempting to force something to my will. This was mine and my husband’s son, I should have known better. All in vain, all futile.

One night after another hour long put down/cry/pick-up/rock/put down/repeat cycle, I simply said to him “Ok, I’ll stay with you, you sleep with me tonight. Let me know when you’re ready.”  That’s when the magic happened. I finally embraced the suck, I accepted that I was not in control, and I started to let go of the anger, the frusteration, the helplessness. And things started to turn around, not all at once, but they started.

Our kids are their own person. We’ve become so used to them being our babies while in our womb, we forget they have their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas of how they need to do things. They’re not little adults, they will have plenty of time to get used to doing what other people want and demand of them, so let them be a kid now. As adults we are used to feeling like we have to be in control all the time, and for a tiny little being to render us so completely out of our element, can really stretch a person – and bring up all kinds of emotions. Some of these emotions are negative and may even originate from our own childhoods. Trying not to yell at them the way you were yelled at. Trying to make sure they feel respected, while reminding them YOU are the one in charge. It’s exhausting, draining, and frusterating.

Then, right when you are about to lose it, you somehow manage to realize –  it just doesn’t matter.  Can our little ones irritate us to the point of checking ourselves in for a psych evaluation? Perhaps. Will it always be like this? No, and when it changes – it’s pure magic.

So you shed some tears, that’s normal. Sometimes you’re shaking in anger, or exhausted in defeat. All normal.

Next time you’re feeling this way, open your eyes wider to see that perfect smile and those beautiful little eyes looking at you with pure unconditional love.

Then you can embrace the suck.

And you let it go.

And it is beautiful.​

Ten Things MIL’s Do To Piss Us Off

Excited to bring you my first collaboration piece with the very talented and hilarious, Sara Sadik! We pulled together universal complaints about MIL’s and wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

Mother-in-law’s, whether you have a great one or not, we can all agree that once grandchildren come along – the dynamic quickly changes. MIL’s somehow emerge as expert parenting know-it-alls and you become the clueless, incompetent mother. There’s an unspoken rule with moms that is somehow lost in the MIL – DIL translation and that is – when someone insults our parenting skills or our kids – we lose our sh*t. Period. No one is more defensive than a mom, and mother-in-law’s should know this. In fact, they tell us about their wicked MIL’s, yet turnaround and pull the same shenanigans on us.

I have to admit, I personally lucked out in the MIL department. My MIL tends to make suggestions verses just ramming her unsolicited advice down my throat, and she knows when I’ve hit my I can’t take this shit anymore limit, at which point she’ll offer me a cocktail as a truce – so I really can’t complain. We actually get along great, probably because we’re both a little crazy. The first time I met her she showed me a picture of herself giving birth to my now husband, and then commented on what big cajones he had as a baby. She was proud of her boy. True story. I died. Love her.

Most everyone else Sara and I know though, would move thousands of miles away just to escape their MIL’s if they could.

Clearly our mother-in-law’s raised great kids or we wouldn’t have fallen in love with their precious boys. Some of their actions prove their hearts are in the right place, and even some of their advice maybe valuable, but most of the BS – we could live without.

We are, however, convinced all MIL’s do and say things just to piss us off, and here’s ten examples Sara and I came up with to prove it:

  • They buy the loudest, most obnoxious, battery-sucking toys they can find that take weeks to put all the million pieces together, only to have our kids play with them for a few days – and then move on. We don’t want that shit, nor do we have space for it!

toys

  • They do the complete opposite of what we ask them to do. If we ask them not to give our kids too much sugar, they take them out for the largest ice cream brownie fudge sundae known to man right before dinner. Awesome, thanks jerks.
  • They tell our kids they can’t do something because “Mommy said no” to make us look like the assholes.
  • They finish every sentence with, “Well I raised three kids and they turned out fine.” We know that, and we are trying to do the same with our own kids.
  • They comment on your appearance. Non-stop. And never in a flattering way. “Yes, perhaps I should get a nose job but…hey, maybe I’ll get a discount when you go in for your liposuction procedure?”
  • They are always shouting. On the phone, in the car, over Skype. We effing hear you! This is cute the first time – not the 50th. Stop yelling.
  • They question everything you do with your child. “Why daycare?” Or “Why not daycare?” Or they tell you what your child likes. I know what they like, I’m with them everyday! I’m not an absent mother.
  • They buy the most horrendous outfits and expect you to dress your child in them. My advice?  Put them in the hideous puke-colored dress and snap a few pictures each with a different scenery so it looks like you actually let your child be seen in it.

dree

  • They are fixated on your weight. Both, pre-baby and post-baby. The obsession with your weight is only because, “she loves you,” or so your brainwashed husband likes to tell you. And then the fixation starts to include the baby. “She needs to eat more, she’s too skinny.” “What are you feeding her?” Ugh.
  • They spoil your kids rotten, break all the rules, and then send them back to you to deal with the consequences – while evil-laughing inside. Payback is a bitch, they say. We deserve it, they say.

There are few things that quickly bond women together – talk of work, marriage, the weather, and what brand of jeans makes your ass look best. But absolutely nothing bonds two women together like bitching about their MIL’s – then deciding whose is worse.

Let’s all make a promise now that we won’t be like this and if we do, we give our future daughter-in-law’s the permission to punch us in the face.

Baby’s First Flight: How to Get Through Air Travel With Your Sanity

flight

The night before our flight to visit relatives in Michigan – I couldn’t sleep. My baby was up all night as per usual, but more so because of teething and a growth spurt. My insomnia, however, was caused by trouble shooting and running through a mental checklist of what to do if my son has a full blown melt down in the middle of our first flight together. That’s right – me flying alone, with a baby. I was scared sh*tless. Thankfully we had a nonstop flight, which cut down the amount of time Baby B would have to turn into Oscar the Grouch. The next morning I took a deep breath, loaded up all our things, and said a prayer. Off we went.

Related post: Traveling With a Toddler: Cruel and Unusual Punishment


Luckily I made it through the flight and lived to tell about it. My son was so intrigued by everything, which held his attention. I will add that he also wanted to play with our seat mates and hug them a lot. They didn’t mind. Thank goodness. Overall it was a lot easier than I thought.

Here are some survival tips when traveling with infants that worked for me. Adjust as necessary for your little one:

Fill Them Up. Start them on a full stomach before you leave for the airport. Especially if you have a hike to get there.  By the time you get through ticketing and security, your LO is going to be hungry and antsy. Try to mitigate that and get them through until you can stop for a snack or lunch.

Bring Snacks, Sippy Cups/Bottles.  Even if you’re nursing like I am, bring them.  You can have them already full of milk, formula or juice. Security will do a quick dip (if at all) to test and make sure you aren’t bringing anything dangerous through. I highly considered eating a ton of poppy seeds to see if the drug compound would show up in my milk, just to mess with them. Maybe next time. Or not.

Have the Umbrella Stroller and Carrier Handy.  I brought both my sling and the folding stroller. Not only did I use the sling at our destination, but it made it much easier to get through ticketing and security. I had both my hands free to maneuver and take things in and out of bags for the screen. This also freed up the stroller to place bags in and give my shoulders a break. Word of advice: Do not take a carrier that has a metal ring on it like I did. You WILL have to take it off, however lame and obvious it is – or the detector will go off.

Play Around the Waiting Area.  Seriously. People were extremely understanding. And if they’re on your flight they’ll be grateful you’re trying to expend any extra energy out of your kid prior to takeoff.

Nurse on Takeoff/Landing. The whole “putting cotton in their ears” thing doesn’t work. I checked – with an actual medical professional. However, nursing has the same motion for baby as chewing gum, or yawning repeatedly does for us. Baby B, as hyper as he was, hunkered down for some cuddles and nursing as soon as we gathered speed, and woke up with just enough time to latch on as we started our descend. If you’re not nursing, bring a bottle with milk or formula, or a pacifier.

Let Them Down on The Floor.  Ok, maybe not if you’re on the aisle seat, but having a window seat meant I could let B down off my lap to explore, get a little distance from mom, and pull things out of his diaper bag.  Sure I had to stop him from crawling under the seat to the next row a couple times, but all in all it was a great way to keep him entertained. It also allowed me a few seconds to breathe and shake my arms out before the next round of him spinning in circles on my lap.

Related post: Seven Survival Tips When Traveling With Small Kids


Sit Near The Loo.  Each area on the plane has it’s advantages and disadvantages, but I made the mistake of sitting over the wing. Great for minimizing noise, but not so great when he had a blow out on our return to Texas! I had to lug the diaper bag through half the plane. Do yourself a favor and sit either up front or in back.

Benadryl.  Yup, I did it. It helped. Check with your pediatrician first, of course.

Trust In Your Baby.  I kept telling myself to have faith in B to be calm on the plane and not cause a ruckus. If you think they will scream the whole way, they probably will. Usually your LO picks up their parents’ vibes, so try to remain calm.

Most importantly don’t forget to bring toys, snacks, more toys, more snacks, and lots of diapers. You’ll make it through – and so will they.

Happy Travels!

Need more tips for traveling with little people? Check out the FLYING WITH KIDS App. Clever, easy to use, and everything in one place to prepare you for flying with kids. You’re welcome.

THE STRESS, SPILLS AND STENCH OF POTTY TRAINING

Every milestone in a mama and baby’s life is challenging. Some are pleasant and perhaps even enjoyable as you navigate your way to the actual accomplishment. Walking and talking are some of those “fun” ones. Potty training – not so much. It’s one of the trickiest milestones I’ve experienced so far. Mostly because training is the most vile. It’s filled with fake smiles, fake congratulations and lots of cleaning products and meditation. Which each win, I scream with excitement for her – but mostly I’m elated because it is one less accident for me to clean up.

(photo credit: http://www.quickpottytrainingonline.com)

Here are 5 other things that go through my mind when attempting to potty train my daughter:

  1. Why am I doing this again? Isn’t there a nursery that will handle this smelly milestone? There should be centers that do this as a service. Drop your kids off, pick them up in two weeks perfectly potty trained. Where can I find such a place?
  2. I’m over it. They have teenage sized diapers, right?
  3. I want to kill Elmo and that damn “potty party song”. I know I will be humming it long after she’s fallen asleep tonight.
  4. Am I doing this all wrong? Should I be giving her a gift every time she pees in the right place? How costly will this be? By the looks of it, not much.
  5. Is that water on the floor? Or pee? Or water? Crap, how many more liquids am I gonna have to do a smell test for?

While I’m worried about the mess and hurrying this process up, I’m sure she has much different thoughts.

Here are 5 things I suspect that go through my daughter’s mind while I attempt to potty train her:

  1. I think I’ll pee in this corner this morning, but will save my poop for up front and center for the smell to spread around – you know, to stay fresh.
  2. What’s the big deal if I poop near the potty? Close enough, right? Oh it has to go in there? Why didn’t you say so? Or did you? I wasn’t listening.
  3. Ahhhh! No diapers? This is much better! Freedom and a nice draft! Why were you keeping me in those bulky underwear? Wait, now I know why.
  4. I feel it coming down my leg so I’ll sit on the potty now. Wait, is that not good enough?
  5. There are so many carpets and corners I have to christen with my bowel movements. How on earth will I get it all done? And why the hell does my mom keep removing my works of art and following me around with that weird looking plastic chair?

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s a huge milestone. I assure you, you will get through it if you remember these things and implement each of them.

Related Post: Pull Your Big Boy Pants Up

Write these down, you’ll thank me later. 

  1. Just relax…they can smell your anxiousness. Fact: They are not going to stop a two year habit in an hour. It takes time.
  2. Keep showing them where mommy pees. Yes, this is totally annoying but shouldn’t we be used to them staring at us while trying to handle our own business? That’s part of mommy hood.
  3. Buy just one potty (yes despite what many of the cultish mommy bloggers say). That’s right. I’m saying use one potty in the same place. Much like a toilet, which is essentially the point, right?
  4. Try to have the same reward you present them with every time they do it in the damn potty – and not smack dab in the middle of your living room carpet, hallway or on your shoes.            Tip: Blowing bubbles really worked for us. Much better than my husband’s suggested positive reinforcement of chocolate, which only resulted in three bouts of diarrhea – a truly enjoyable thing when potty training.
  5. Take advice from everyone but most importantly listen to your child – they will let you know when they’re ready, and follow your gut. A mom’s gut knows best!

Best of luck and and remember, we all pooped on carpets once too! This too shall pass!

Your Typical Saturday Night: Pre/Post Kids

Boy, how life changes once you have kids. Not that we were party animals or Chicago socialites prior to  parenthood, but our weekends did include sleep, festivals, non-animated movies and several adult beverages. Now they are chaotic and a bit overwhelming – but something we definitely wouldn’t change.

Here’s an ode to the good ole’ Saturdays verses what they look like now.

Enjoy.

Mom-Hacks We’re All Guilty Of

Motherhood, along with all of life’s obligations, can often have you looking for any shortcut possible to make it through another day. Parenting, to most of us, is pretty much a daily quest for survival. If anyone says they don’t take shortcuts out of exhaustion or pure laziness from time-to-time when it comes to parenting – they’re full of sh*t. Doing the best you can, when you can, does not make you an awful  parent; it makes you awesome.

So next time you find yourself doing one of these mom-hacks below – know that most of us have too, or at least have thought about it.

Drop your older kid off at school and the younger kids are still in their pajamas. This only means you’re being resourceful with your time and energy – not being a bad mom. Hell, the other parents are lucky you wear yoga pants to bed or you’d be in straight up pajamas, too.

jamm

Look at your phone while your kids are playing at the park. I had a women tell me once I shouldn’t look at my phone because I was with my kids. She, of course, was kid-free so easy for her to say. Yes, you look at your phone to peep Facebook. So what? It’s normal to want to feel connected to other adults when you’re stuck in kid-prison all day. It doesn’t mean you don’t love your kids or enjoy your time with them, it means that every now and again you need a mental break from them. This is normal people so lay off the judgment. If you’re so amazing, go pat yourself on your perfect back while I scroll on my iPhone.

Feed your kids cereal for dinner a few nights a week. Some nights you just can’t muster up the energy to cook a meal, or even a boxed meal for that matter. Kids love cereal, it’s easy to make, and it’s food. Voilá.

You let water-play outside suffice as a bath. Hey, it’s water and it rinses off all the dirt and sweat. There’s no fighting to get your kids to do it. You don’t have to wash their hair. You don’t have to clean up a gallon of water off the bathroom floor, nor do you get soaked in the process. Sounds like a dream to me!

sprinkler

You run (not walk) out of the house for a girl’s night. You need a break, too. When you get a mental break; your kids benefit as well. Take as much alone time as you need, and do it without the guilt. Having time to yourself allows you to come back refreshed and with guns blazing to survive another day. You deserve it!

Some days being a mediocre parent is all we can be; and that is something to still be proud of. As long as your kids know they’re infinitely loved and they have all the essentials ­– I would say that’s a parenting win.

Things I Did When I Was Kid-Free

This past weekend I was able to take a quick trip to Texas, my home state, to visit family and attend a concert. I tend to get anxious when traveling alone because I hate to leave my babies behind and at the mercy of a free-for-all schedule. At least when I’m home I know my kids eat, nap and bathe (just kidding, Adam!). Either way, I forced myself to go because everyone needs a break once in a while – especially moms.

Once I got to the airport I realized how much I desperately needed this trip and how nice it actually was to travel kid-free. I thought it would be fun to keep a running list of all the things I was able to do since I didn’t have my littles dictating all my time and energy on this trip.

Doing these simple things felt even more glorious than I remembered from my pre-kid days.

  • I traveled with only a carry-on. I have to admit it felt a little odd only having a purse and a carry-on – almost as if I was naked. I typically get to the gate and have twitching arm syndrome due to carrying kids, bags, car seats, strollers, etc. This time I leisurely strolled up to the gate and comfortably sat in peace while I waited to board the plane. Nothing short of amazing.

luggage

  • I breezed through the TSA checkpoint. No breaking down baby gear, pulling out breast milk for testing, taking off layers of jackets, chasing down toddlers to guide them through medal detectors, or getting dirty looks from other travelers – just one bag and me. It was heaven on earth.
  • I sat up front on the plane. Normally I head to the back of the plane in case my kids act like raging lunatics, but this time I sat in front. Why is this such a luxury? Because when we landed I got off the plane within a few minutes, verses the normal 20 it takes to round up babies and personal belongings. I felt so VIP.
  • I read my book in-flight without interruption. I’m lucky if I make it through five pages of a book in normal life even when my kids are in bed. Making it through several chapters was a huge accomplishment.
  • I didn’t have to kid-proof the hotel room. When traveling with my babies I usually have to inspect the room and eliminate any dangers, move breakables, cover outlets, and look for small objects that can get lodged in my kids’ throat. It’s exhausting. This time I just walked in and fell into the plush bed that was all mine. Cue the angels signing.
  • I took a shower and used the restroom in peace and without locking the door. Women throw privacy out the window once they become a mom. I typically can’t go into the bathroom without one, if not both kids. They always barge in on my showers and if I lock the door I hear at least 10 minutes of knocking and crying begging for entry.
  • I had adult conversations without interruption. Another first in a long time. I always tell my friends I’ll just talk to them in five years when both my kids are in school. Until then they’ll have to put up with me yelling commands or hearing my kids whining in the background.
  • I went to a concert that did not include any Disney characters. My sister and I went to the New Kids on the Block concert (no judging) and it was so fun to relive our childhood memories. It was an adult show and even though there were a bunch of screaming girls, at least it wasn’t my kid screaming. I’ll take it.

nkotb

  • I slept on the flight home.  Unfortunately sleeping is something I rarely get to experience, especially on a flight. After a long few days of uninterrupted fun a quick snooze on a night flight was just what I needed.

Yes, living the dream for those few short days was awesome and it made me remember just how easy life use to be. But I have to say, the best part of my vacation was getting attacked with hugs and kisses when I walked through the front door. It was pure heaven. If that’s the kind of reception I’ll always get – than I maybe it’s time for another vacation? Wishful thinking. 

 

 

 

 

What Moms Really Want for Mother’s Day

Because moms only get one day a year to be nationally recognized, why not go all out for her this year? Yes sentimental gifts are nice and bring tears to our eyes, but what do we really want? Let me enlighten you now…..

Silence – Real, absolute silence. This means take the kids far, far, far away for the day. Quite time is not the same if you just go into the playroom and she can still hear screaming and crying from a few feet away. Doesn’t count. Moms need silence to clear her thoughts, hear herself breathe and be able to truly relax.

no tak

Pampering – A massage package, mani-pedi day, facial; any of these will do. We need someone to work out those kinks and make us feel pretty since we’re normally covered in food particles and vomit. Also, you need to pay someone to do this. No offense, but your massages are bogus in comparison.

Maid Service – Even if it’s just a one-time service, the small fee is worth it! Trust me, mom will love it! Having someone come and clean the house just eliminates one of the many tasks on our plate, and is deeply appreciated. If you can’t afford a maid service, take over the cleaning for an entire week – and do a good job.

Girl’s Night – Give her a spontaneous girls night out! She’ll never make the plans herself because she’s always too busy – so do it for her. While she is out do NOT text or call her to ask questions. This ruins the night. Besides, whatever it is, you can handle it.

Date Night – If she doesn’t do girls nights; plan a date night. Adults only, and you do all the work! Make it a seamless night for her to enjoy herself and make sure it includes a lot of adult beverages.

Let her sleep in – Wake up early and take the kids to breakfast or to play outside so she can get some much needed shut eye.

pillow over head

Let her go to the bathroom alone. Being able to pee alone is a luxury for a mom. We want just one day where we don’t have a little human staring at us in our private moment asking if we’re going poo-poo. We also don’t need their help wiping.

Change every diaper for an entire day. Just one day free from wiping poopy butts, snot, puke and what ever else my baby secretes would be magical.

Oh, and go ahead and throw in something shiny just for the hell of it. She deserves it.

Happy Mother’s Day!