As I lay here reading a bedtime story to my son just days away from my due date, reality is starting to set in. Although I’m overwhelmed with excitement, I can also feel a sadness come over me. I’m sad my son has no idea his world is about to be turned upside down, sad he will now have to share me with another and sad it will no longer be just he and I. I hope this connection between us never fades and I will always be his “super mommy” even after his brother arrives.
Being the over-analyzer that I am, I fear this new addition might take me away from him (and my husband – he deserves attention too). This was one of the reasons I took a hiatus from the corporate world. I could no longer give 100% to the grueling work schedule and my family. Often times new additions result in scarifies elsewhere.
They say the greatest gift you can give a child is a sibling. I pray this reins true for my boys. I want them to love each other and share a brotherly bond no one will ever be able to break, even if it comes when they are older. I remember when my nephew first welcomed his baby brother he told my sister, “Take him back to the hospital, I’ve changed my mind.” We laugh now but I remember it was quite overwhelming for her at the time. Trying to manage my love for two will soon be my new normal.
I just hope I’m always able to make my boys feel loved equally. Right now it seems unfathomable to expand my heart further for another child. Friends continue to tell me I will feel the same connection and love for my new baby – it’s just hard to imagine until he arrives. For the past three years, I have just been Sebastian’s mom. This is all I know.
I hope baby Alex will love me just as much. I hope he loves to cuddle. I hope he looks at me with the same eyes as my son does now. Since he is my last baby, I know I will devote a lot of attention to him and I just hope it is not at the expense of Sebastian.
Life is about to change and although this is not my first rodeo, I feel like an amateur all over again. Wish me luck.
