Recent Things My Toddler Has Done To Embarrass Me

While I appreciate the bottle of truth serum my toddler seems to over dose on each day, sometimes I wish he knew how to put down the bottle and step away. As someone who gets easily embarrassed in public, having a toddler is pure torture. I’ve definitely toughened up over the past two years, but still struggle to find explanations when he spews out the most inappropriate sh*t (excuse my language) at the most inappropriate times.

Why can’t they have an off switch? Or understand that when I look at them with wide eyes and am turning beet red, that’s code for: shut your mouth immediately.

In hindsight, all of these mishaps are actually quite hilarious – just not so much as they’re happening. On the bright side, at least they make for some good story telling.

Here are all the recent things my toddler said / did to embarrass the hell out of me in public over the past week. Enjoy.

  • At a recent dinner party while everyone was enjoying pasta and meatballs, my toddler exits the bathroom, goes up to the host who is sitting at the dinner table and exclaims, “Hey, I just pooped in your potty!” Awesome.
  • Same dinner party: I exited the room to nurse my baby and my toddler said, “Everyone be quiet brother has to eat mommy’s boobies!”
  • Same dinner party: My toddler turned into a wet noodle and slide out of his seat onto the floor because the host poured sauce on his pasta. Apparently that warranted a super dramatic response.
  • We attended a “Meet the Teacher” event at my toddler’s new school and another mom commented on how cute his shoes were. He looked at her and told her they were broken because a charm fell off. Next, without realizing the connection he said, “They were made in China.” I knew he said that because a few minutes earlier he asked me what the bottom of the shoe said – not because he thinks all items made in China fall apart. The mom just looked at me and rather than launching into a ten-minute explanation – I just let her judge me. Whatever.
  • Last week our water heater broke so I had to boil water to give my kids a bath. I kept telling my son we had to do that so he didn’t have a stinky booty. My mistake! The next morning at school he walked into class and told his teacher, “My mommy made water so I won’t have a stinky booty.” Again, no time for explanations. It is what it is.
  • My son has a newfound admiration for the word Not sure why. Whenever my son asks where he came from I tell him, “Momma’s belly.” I not even going there until he’s older. Recently while at Starbucks he told someone he was from Chicago. Then the person repeated, “Oh is that where you’re from.” My son’s reply, “No I came from mommy’s poopie.” Insert look of horror. Um, I assure you kid – you did not come from there.
  • Lastly, he told a stranger at the park that they were drinking poison because they had a soda in their hand. Yes, I may have said that in the grocery store one time because I didn’t want him drinking soda. However, I never thought that he would go up to random people and repeat what I said! Lesson learned.

While I agree that honesty is a virtue and something we should instill in our children at a young age, but come on, can’t I catch a break? My next plan of action is just to send him out in public with his father more often – or at least until he develops a filter.

Mom-Confessions-Most-Embarrassing-Thing-My-Kid-Has-Done

 

20 Parenting Tasks That Truly Suck

Becoming a parent is one of the most rewarding experiences life can offer. As a mom each day is an new adventure; some are filled with laughter, some are filled with chaos, but most are filled with both. The majority of the chaos stems from daily tasks that come along with the job of being a parent. These tasks test our patience, drive us crazy, and make the simplest action feel like you’re trying to figure out an algorithm without any mathematical training.

These obligations I could definitely do without and after surveying dozens of parents; apparently I’m not alone. Here are some tasks that parents say they would be happy to never have to do again:

  • Washing Bottles– What’s with all the parts? And those brushes that spray you in the face when you pull them from inside the bottle? I will never take my dishwasher for granted again.  This was the number one complaint of most parents.
  • Changing Diapers – Changing diapers sucks at all stages. Period.
  • Putting Their Shoes On.  How are you supposed to fit marshmallow man feet into those tiny shoes?  I use the twist and shove method.
  • Cutting Finger / Toe Nails – With paper thin nails and ninja reflexes, cutting their nails can be terrifying.
  • Dressing Them –  Once again, having to shove body parts into tiny pieces of clothing isn’t fun.
  • Feeding Them – Food ends up everywhere else but their mouth.
  • Bath Time – One question: Is bath time more for them or for you because I always end up soaked as well.
  • Putting Them In Car Seats – Between planking, screaming and wiggling, sometimes I’d just rather stay home.
My son the angel.
Late again, thanks to the plank.
  • Cleaning Baby Gear – How does a baby manage to fill every square inch of their high chair with something disgusting.
  • Cleaning a Baby’s Neck – You never know what’s lurking in those fat rolls. Beware.
  • Giving Medicine via Syringes – At least half of the liquid drips down their face and becomes a sticky hot mess.
  • Doing Laundry – Every day. 24 /7.
  • Leaving The House – Might as well pack a suitcase with all the stuff you need to take and don’t plan on being on time. Ever. But you know what sucks worse? Leaving the house in winter.
  • Bedtime Routines – Bath, jammies, water, pee, story, water, pee, water, another story, more water, sleep.
Bedtime excuses
Bedtime excuses
  • Cutting Food Into a Thousand Pieces – Most pieces end up on the floor, in your dog’s stomach, or wedged into a crevice in the high chair.
  • Doctors Appointments – Their fever or symptoms seemed to miraculously disappear once you arrived, or your kid has to get shots and hates you the rest of the day.
  • Helping With Homework – This only tends to make me feel stupid.
  • Brushing Teeth – They usually swallow the toothpaste before a single tooth gets brushed.
  • Wiping Their Nose – The snot usually ends up all over their face.
  • Teaching Them To Aim – This applies to boys. Constantly wiping urine up off the floor, wall, and toilet seat is not my idea of a good time.

One or two of these tasks would be manageable, however all of these are usually a daily occurrence for most parents. At the end of each day when the kids are finally asleep, give yourself a pat on the back because you, my friend, made it through another day. Kudos.

“Momnesia” Is Real – And I Have It

If you’re a mom you’ve heard of the term “baby brain” and have most likely even experienced it yourself. Lately I’ve been living in a constant state of Momnesia, so I can say without a doubt, “baby brain” exists. Ironically this brain fog commonly associated with pregnancy and new motherhood was something my friends forgot to share with me before I had kids. They were clearly suffering from Momnesia too.

momnesia
photo credit: Adrienne Hedger

Before kids I took pride in my ability to never miss a detail. I was that friend who actually remembered to send birthday messages before we had Facebook sending us reminder notifications. Now I can’t seem to remember anything. Recently I forgot it was Superhero day at my son’s school and he was the only one sans costume at drop off. I’ll just nominate myself for Mom of the Year. The sad thing is the forgetfulness and fogginess didn’t stop there. In the past two weeks I’ve worn two different shoes to drop my son off at school, I’ve showed up for a client appointment on the wrong day, I’ve frantically searched for my cell phone only to realize I was speaking on it, and yesterday I forgot how to order my coffee at Starbucks when I’ve been drinking it every morning for the past three years.

Doctors blame hormones for Momnesia, but I blame the pressures of everyday life as a mom. Motherhood requires you to be in 3 different places at once, all the while maintaining that other life you had before kids. Since I love my kids and they’re here to stay I figured it’s time to enlist the help of some great Apps and new procedures to get and stay organized – at least, of course, until I can hire a life assistant.

  • Visual Work / Chore Calendar – I hung a large whiteboard in my kitchen and on it scheduled my business hours because I work from home. I also schedule laundry, cleaning and workouts. This helps me focus on the task at hand without getting overwhelmed.
  • Cozi App – A great App where you can effortlessly manage your family calendar, shopping lists, to-do lists, and family journals while you’re on the go.
  • aCal Lite App – Another great calendar organizer which automatically syncs with all iPhone calendars. You can write your to-do list, create notes with photos, and even get your weather updates.
  • Square Hub – SquareHub is a social network that keeps your family connected, organized and happy. You can send private group messages and photos with each other, share calendars, share to-do lists, share child location information, and create those spontaneous moments of joy with the people who matter most to you – your family.
  • BillMinder – This App simplifies your life by bringing all your bills into one manageable place. You will know at a glance, which need your attention. The nerd in me loves that you can also track your expenses with comprehensive charts and graphs.
  • Moms Daily Planner – This is the ultimate universal family planner. It has all the same features as the ones mentioned above, but this App allows you to assign chores and share them with your family.

 

Now armed with all these great resources, I just hope my brain fog clears enough to remember to use them.

I say this to myself at least 12 times a day.
I say this to myself at least 12 times a day.

 

 

 

 

 

Things I WON’T Miss From The Baby Stage

Now that my little guy is about to turn one I find myself relieved to close the door on the baby phase. Not only do I look like a cast member from the Walking Dead, but I act like one too.  I’m exhausted – mentally and physically. At this point I would have to be insane to consider adding a third to the clan; but because I’m obsessed with babies I change my mind on a daily basis.  Since there are a million things I do love about the baby stage, I figured I would document all the things I loathe about the first year.  In doing so, I’m hoping it will motivate me to keep taking my birth control – every day.

Things I will definitely NOT miss from the baby phase:

Pumping – I hate pumping. I’m that freak of nature who produces enough milk to feed an army.  I’ve actually calculated how many hours of my life have been dedicated to pumping this last year – the total was 6 weeks.  That’s a lot of time.

Blowouts – Always at the most inopportune moments, right? Like right when you put them in their carseat and are already late. Who knew those little bodies could produce so much waste?

No Privacy – I’m looking forward to the day when I can go to the bathroom without little hands on my knees or a baby in my arms.

635399206073590378noprivacy
Every day in my house…

Mimicking A Prisoner When Eating – Not only do you have to shovel every meal in your mouth because of time limitations, but you also have to guard your plate because they want whatever’s on it. Sometimes you just don’t feel like sharing or having your dinner thrown on the floor.

Playing Baby -Charades – Baby-charades is not fun and can be very frustrating. Just tell me what you want, kid!

Carrying Baggage – My diaper bag could double as a small carry-on. I hate carrying around extra clothes, diapers, bottles, snacks, toys, wipes, hand sanitizer, pacifiers and everything else those little minions need every where I go.

Everything Goes In Their Mouth – Dog bone.. sure why not. Dirt..why not? Every germ-infested item other than the toys I bought you to actually chew on.. sure why not.

Baby Gear – My entire house has been taken over by swings, jumpers, bouncy seats, high chairs and a pack-in-play.  I forgot I used to have an adult space.

And finally the worst of all…..

Sleep Deprivation – Babies don’t care if you have to work in the morning. I pretty much haven’t slept a full night in the past year, hence my acceptance onto the Walking Dead series.

I.m
I’m Holly, nice to meet you!

Now why would I want to go through this all over again?  It’s the smell, that damn newborn smell. It gets you every time.  Note to self: Stay away from newborns.

10 Reasons Why Living With A (Boy) Toddler Is Like Living In A Frat House

Now that I’m a mom of two boys, I’m slowly starting to realize how gross they really are. In fact, I feel like I’m re-living my college days when I was in a relationship with a fraternity boy.  Even though there are not any Greek letters hoisted above my front door; the smells and mess you encounter when you enter – will definitely have you questioning whether or not an entire fraternity lives here.  Hopefully one day, I’ll have my own private bathroom and space that will be off-limits to those grimy little minions – or at least have a live in housekeeper as soon as I win the lotto.

Until then, here are 10 reasons why living with a toddler (son) is like living in a frat house:

  • They Are Proud Of Their Bowel Movements. Every time my son goes to the bathroom he has to show me. “Momma, look what I did – Ta Da!” You know you’re a mom when you actually go look and then react by giving a high-five.
  • They Have Sub-Par Hygiene.   I have to threaten my son to brush his teeth.  I usually tell him his teeth are going to fall out if he doesn’t brush them.  Mean, I know, but I can’t stand his rotten carcass breath.  He wipes snot on his arms, his feet smell, and I’ll spare you the details and not discuss his butt-wiping capabilities.
  • They Have Poor Aim. Pee is everywhere.  Riddle me this – how hard is it to pee into a giant hole when you’re standing less than an inch away from the toilet? Why is this concept so difficult for men / boys?
  • They Pass Gas Anytime – Anywhere. Usually any breaking wind is accompanied by giggles so I don’t mind this as much. If you’re a grown man –then it’s not cute.
  • They Like To Touch Themselves.  Even my eight month old immediately reaches for his boy parts the second his diaper comes off. Just last week, my toddler pulled his pants down to show my mother-in-law his privates.  Men and their pride – I guess it starts at birth.
  • They Pull All-Nighters.  My son is going through a growth spurt and he’s a night owl, which means sleepless nights for me too.  Even if he goes to bed late he’s up by 6 am. I can’t wait until he’s a teenager and sleeps around the clock.
  • Their Rooms Are Trashed. I clean my boys’ room  at least four times a day and it still looks like a tornado ravished it. To find a pair of socks my son insists on pulling every piece of clothing out first and then proceeds to throw everything on the floor.
  • They Sneak In Your Bed. Always when you’re not looking too.  Every night my son goes to sleep in his bed, yet every morning I wake up and he’s in mine. Secretly I love this because one day he won’t want to cuddle with me, and I’m not ready for that just yet.
  • They Are Vomit Comets.  Toddlers are projectile vomit machines – in case you didn’t know. It usually happens when you’re wearing a nice outfit and it comes out of nowhere.
  • They Have No Filter. Leave it to your kid to embarrass you every chance they get. Offensive language is just part of their daily lives. Honesty is a virtue, but when you have a toddler – it’s a curse.

While I try teaching my son to mind his P’s and Q’s now, I’m hoping, as he gets older his manners will be more prominent in our daily lives. But first things first – we need to focus on his aim.

frat

 

 

Five Rules When Play – Dating

Since becoming a parent I’ve tried to focus on building my network of new-parent friends, but truth be told, it’s been difficult. Being a busy, working mom, I barely have any energy at the end of the day. When I pick up my kids from daycare the last thing I want to do is socialize and scout out new play-date potentials.  Because let’s be honest here, I’m really just scouting out the other moms to see if they are as cool as me – who cares if the kids get along, right?  Most toddlers don’t get along anyway.  They spend all their playtime fighting and tattling on who’s not sharing. I’m the one who needs the friend – and a drinking buddy.

Through this awkward scouting process I’ve realized that rules apply when setting up play-dates, just as they did when you were a participant on the dating scene.

To help you in your quest for the perfect partner, here are five rules you need to know when jumping into the play-dating pool.

  1. Always approach the other parent as a better version of yourself. You know… like you’re the perfect mom who does it all and has it all. Why wouldn’t she want to hang around you and be just as fabulous?

 

  1. Make the initial interaction seem spontaneous. Meaning – you’ve actually been scouting them for a while, however you don’t want them to think you’re some kind of creep-ster. Randomly approach them and start the conversation with, “I don’t normally do this, but…”.  They know you’re a liar – but at least it breaks the ice.

 

  1. Ask for their E-mail address not their phone number. No one likes phone calls these days.Who has time for that? If you do get a number, only text. Just like with dating you want to abide by the three-day rule. If you reach out the same night you met, you’ll seem like a stalker who doesn’t have any other friends. Also, when emailing make sure to stress how busy you are, but may be able to squeeze them in. This always makes you sound important.

 

  1. Ease into the ‘Friend Request’. Wait until after a few play-dates to build a Facebook, or any other social media, relationship. Again, you’ll seem way to eager. Plus, I would rather have a few conversations before you see pictures of me from college dancing on bars that my friends so graciously posted for Throw-Back-Thursday.

 

  1. On the play-date make sure your kid doesn’t do the first ‘asshole’ thing. You don’t want to be the first one to say, “He normally doesn’t act like this, he’s just tired.” Truth is – your kid does act like this most of the time, but you can’t blow his cover until after the honeymoon phase. Once the honeymoon phase is over, you can settle into a nice, real, relationship and start fighting over which kid left the toilet seat up.

It would be nice, like when dating, if moms could just cut to the chase. Aren’t we a little too old for games? Weren’t we tortured enough just trying to land our husbands? Either way, if you follow these simple rules above you’re sure to build your network of mom-friends. Off to scout more play-dates!

 

Curbing My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder – One Child At A Time

People told me when I was pregnant the second time around, I would feel like a professional and not stress near as much with this baby, but I was not convinced. Did they not know me? I, by nature, am a type A, anxiety ridden, crazy person.

Right before my second son was born I began reflecting and taking notes on all the things I did with my first son to try and prepare myself. Once I reached the end of the list, I could already feel the tightening in my chest from the anxiety. How was I going to keep up with all this and look after a toddler too? After closer evaluation I thought to myself: Is this a joke? What an idiot! Right then and there I decided it would be best if my Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and I – parted ways. Moving forward I would have a go-with-the-flow type of attitude, or else I knew I would drive myself straight to the grave trying to keep up. So far this attitude has been working. Not only has this approach minimized my anxiety, but I actually enjoy parenting a lot more this time around. Who knew?

Below are just a few obsessive behaviors I demonstrated with my first son that I have completely abolished with my second. I won’t be mad if you judge me for being the anal retentive person that I was. Please feel free.

  • I had to have every latest-and-greatest piece of baby gear on the market. This is Chicago. Why did I fill my tiny condo with crap I barely even used, if at all?
  • He ate every two hours on the dot. There was no veering from that schedule no matter where we were or what was going on.
  • For two weeks after his birth, I made my husband take shifts with me where we would stay up 24 hours and watch the baby sleep to make sure he was breathing. The shifts were three hours each. Question: Why does my husband still love me?
  • I sprinted to the ER for everything! Scratches, rashes, coughing, eye goop – you name it, I thought it was an emergency! I’m sure the doctors rolled their eyes each time they saw me come in.
  • I dressed him to the nine’s – at all times. He looked as if he was attending an Oscar party just to go to daycare. What baby doesn’t need a sweater vest and designer jeans to finger-paint?
  • I had four strollers! One for the car seat to snap in, one for walking, one for running and one for travel.
  • I carried hand sanitizer and would make anyone who wanted to touch him douse themselves in it first.
  • When he went to sleep – our lives stopped. No movement or noises were allowed. Maybe that’s why it took over three years to have another baby?
  • Anytime I left the house, even if to only get gas, I would take the entire nursery with me along with a diaper bag.
  • I had several outfit changes for him at all times. If one drip of salvia touched his outfit, I would change him.
  • I dressed him like he was on the bomb squad just to ride his tricycle.

Helicopter moms: ante up! I see you and raise you by a million.  While most of my friends would still say I hover more than the average mom, at least they would agree I’m no longer holding residence at the insane asylum.

I'm holding on for dear life!
I’m holding on for dear life!

 

My (Last) First’s

Remember when I adamantly begged all of you to talk me down from the ledge the minute I started considering a third child? Well my friends – the time has arrived. My son is only five months old and I’m already yearning to give him another sibling.

With my first son I was so excited for each milestone and couldn’t wait for the next. I remember cheering aloud the minute he could hold his own bottle or could sit up without assistance because, selfishly, this meant less work for me. I loved seeing him grow and learn new things, take his first steps and say new words. It was all so heartwarming and as a new parent it made me feel as if I was doing something right.

With my new baby the table has completely turned. Each first milestone accomplished for him – is one last milestone experience for me. It wasn’t until I witnessed him smile for the first time that I realized I might never get to experience this moment again. The minute the corners of his mouth bowed up into his cheeks as he lovingly gazed into my eyes, a feeling of pure happiness came over me followed by one of deep sadness. I couldn’t tell if my tears were that of joy or pain. Those were feelings I wasn’t prepared for and apparently neither was my uterus.  My mind was begging for another baby while my body was running for the hills.

I dare you not to smile from this!
I dare you not to smile from this!

Now with each move my baby makes I alert my husband with a sad face and state, “That was my last first.” I cried after his first giggle, when he rolled himself over, when he first grabbed his lovie, and even when he had his first big diaper blowout. Yes, I didn’t even mind cleaning up the epic mess that sprawled all the way up his back and into his hair.

Some might say this is a tinge of postpartum depression. My husband likes to joke that I have eternal baby fever because babies are essentially like crack cocaine to me. He’s right, I’m obsessed – it’s a problem. But maybe I feel so desperate for another because I know my fertile days are numbered? Or because closing the baby-making chapter in my life sounds a bit depressing. That would mean I’m getting older and that’s a hard pill to swallow. Where’s the fountain of youth when you need it?

Knowing my history with getting pregnant and carrying the baby itself, the odds of us having another child is pretty slim to none. Plus, I’m pretty sure I would have to Roofie my husband and take advantage of his comatose state to get pregnant. He is absolutely not on board the third-baby-having-train. He also has no plans of changing his ticket either, unless of course, I relentlessly beg him and remind him of the old saying, “Happy Wife – Happy Life”.

Until we come to our ultimate decision my coping mechanisms will be to try and capture every second of his life so I can replay them over and over again. I will also remember to savor each and every hug, kiss and cuddle. I may even be that mom who nurses her son until he’s ten to keep our bond strong. Just kidding I’m not that crazy – only until he’s eight. In the meantime, I’m afraid I might need a psychiatrist on hand. Know any good ones?

Girl’s Night Out vs. Mom’s Night Out

Remember when you could call up a few girlfriends on a Saturday morning and plan a night out for that evening? You could then go get a mani-pedi, shop for an outfit and may even have time for a blowout.  The night usually started out with cocktails and a nice meal, followed by some dancing into the wee hours of the morning.  The conversation was often centered around men, careers, travel plans or some other chick you hated at your job.  You were worry-free, responsibility-free and kid-free. Those were the days.

What 'Girls Night' used to be..
What ‘Girl’s Night’ used to be..

It recently dawned on me how much my social life has changed when I planned a girl’s night out for my birthday a few weeks ago.  I enlisted some friends to help because as a working mom I barely have time to eat, let alone plan a night out.  All of my friends attending were moms too so we sent a “Save the Date” a month in advance.  Yes, a month in advance. This was a far cry from the days of “Hey, lets go grab a drink tonight”.

The night finally came and eight of my friends were able to make it. The first stop we made was a candle-making place. This is what’s now fun to us – making candles. I guess dancing on the bar is out of the question. After we made candles we went to a winery where we indulged in cupcakes and wine. We didn’t have time for a full dinner since we all have young kids at home, but I didn’t care because these were two of my favorite things paired with great company. As we’re enjoying our wine, two of the eight girls arrived late and were already in tears as they walked through the door. Wow, we’ve just started and there are already tears?  The tears used to come at the end of the night after many alcoholic beverages. We quickly got them a glass of wine and one spilled hers.  This resulted in more tears.

She explained she had a sick toddler for over a week, which in mom-land seems more like a year. She hasn’t had any sleep and only hears whining around the clock.  As she told us her sorrows she gulped down wine and we nodded sympathetically.  My other friend has a traveling husband and works full-time herself.  That alone is worth some tears.  She complained about her stressful week and how she feels like she is drowning.  Unfortunately, I can relate to both to both of them.

The night soon morphed into a therapy session for all of us.  Sometimes no one understands better than other moms.  We all complained and occasionally threw in the obligatory, “I love my kids, but”. We reminisced how girl’s night out used to be and laughed while we devoured some nachos. We discovered that none of us are Supermom, and we’re all just trying to do the best we can.  Even though there was not any dancing or throwing back shots, it actually turned out to be the perfect night – for moms.

Eventually the tears turned into smiles and we marked our calendars for another girl’s mom’s night in the near future. The next morning I woke up feeling great and I was able to enjoy my kids a little more knowing my friends share in the same struggles as I do.  Time-outs are just as important for moms as they are for toddlers – even if it’s just to make candles. I would, however, recommend that wine be involved too.  Cheers. 

Happy Birthday to me!
Happy Birthday to me!

 

 

 

 

7 Things You Do If You’re A Parent Of Young Children

Remember when you first found out you were going to be a parent?  I bet you swore you would never do things you saw other parents do.  You also probably thought you would still be able to partake in adult activities, maintain an immaculate home, and not let your kids dictate your life.

So how’s that working out for you?  

 Not going as planned?

 That’s what I thought.

Before becoming a parent – I too believed in this fantasy.  Now I’ve accepted the things I can’t change and have embraced the nuances that coincide with parenting young children. There are specific certainties that parents of infants and toddlers just have to succumb to. We all belong to a special club and membership requires some if not all of the following:

 

Your living room looks like you put a couch in the middle of Gymboree.

I swore once we had kids that our living room would remain kid-free. Unfortunately, this only lasted a few months. Now it’s plagued with toys and baby gear even though we have a designated playroom downstairs. The couch and ottoman are now used as a trampoline and the television console has become the emergency stop for all my son’s racecars. We used to have nice things – not so much anymore.  

There goes my 'adult' space
There goes my ‘adult’ space

Your car is a place where Goldfish go to die.

The car wash has actually charged me extra when I take my car in to get cleaned. When they see me pull in, half of the staff suddenly goes on break. My car has definitely seen better days, which didn’t include sticky chocolate milk stains and remnants of Goldfish crackers smashed into the carpets.

 

You now dine with senior citizens.

Dinnertime with kids is now at 5 pm. If and when you are able to go to a restaurant, you will only be in the company of senior citizens or other families with small children. Once you’re there you have a very limited time to shovel all your food in your face and then race home before the clock strikes bedtime.  If you don’t make the bedtime deadline your kids will turn into little demons. Not exaggerating.

 

You no longer get embarrassed.

The days of caring what others think are long gone after the first few hundred times your kid acts like a raging lunatic in public.  You become a pro at ignoring them and everyone else.  You also find yourself doing embarrassing things like: smelling your kids butt to see if they have a dirty diaper, licking their face to clean it and even picking their nose. 

 shutterstock_66835981

You will never be on-time again.

Even if you plan ahead, set everything out the night before and wake up early – you will still be running late. Your kids have no concept of time nor do they care about being punctual. The simplest thing like putting on their jacket can take up to 20 minutes.  The world now revolves around them.  You’ll need to accept this early in the game in order to keep your sanity.

 

You know every character and song played on Disney Junior.

You can’t remember the last time you watched a non-animated show.  You find yourself singing the songs and getting excited for any new episodes of your child’s favorite cartoons – because ultimately these will serve as the babysitter when you need a break. You may even find yourself sitting in an arena watching all the characters singing and skating around on ice.  Never say never.

 

You have become an expert at multi-tasking.

You quickly learn how to utilize your time wisely.  Who knew you could prep dinner while feeding your baby, paying your bills, loading some laundry and even checking Facebook all at the same time? I often wear my baby around the house so I can have my hands free to take care of other things.  As a parent you have to get creative or you will never get anything done.

 

I’m sure there are many more behaviors that bond us as parents with small children, these are just some of my favorites.  What are the tell-tale signs of parents with small children to you?