GUEST POST: When Your Kid Will Poop – by Norine of Science of Parenthood

Because you can’t talk about motherhood without including a “poop” story… my lovely friend, Norine, over at Science of Parenthood, offered to share this hilarious tale of a near poop disaster. Enjoy!

 

When will your kid poop … or pee for that matter? Well, it sure as hell won’t be the 10 times you ask if he has to use the potty. A child will always wait till the least convenient moment. And then he’ll have to go immediately.

My son was 3 when we were flying home to Orlando after my cousin’s wedding in Denver. My husband had had to work, so it was just the two of us, knocking around the Denver airport waiting to board our flight.

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to the airport.

He shook his head vehemently. “No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked before we went through security.

“No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked when we got to our gate.

“No.”

“Do you have to go potty?” I’d asked as they started boarding our flight.

“No.”

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And so we settled into our seats in the bulkhead and fastened our seat belts. My son busied himself looking out the window at the planes maneuvering around the gates. I opened a New York magazine, I’d been looking forward to reading. (When your kid’s a toddler, how often do you get time to read something other than a board book?) I bared noticed when we pushed back from the gate and began rolling toward the runway. And then …

“Mommy…”

“Hmmm,” I murmured, absently.

“Mommy! …” he said, a bit more insistently.

“Yes?” I said, without looking up from the page.

“MOMMY!”

“What???” I turned to look at him.

“I need to go potty.”

“Now?!? Why didn’t you go when I asked you to?”

“I didn’t have to go before. I have to go now.”

Of course, he did. I looked around helplessly. I didn’t know what to do, what I could do. So I rang the Call button.

A flight attendant appeared almost instantly. “What can I do for you?”

“My son needs to go potty,” I explained. “Can we just pop into the bathroom, like super fast?”

She shook her head. “We’re next in line for takeoff,” she said. (Of course we were!) “Can he hold it?”

I certainly hoped so. I had no extra clothes in my bag, and the thought of spending the four-hour flight with a stinky, wet, cold, whining child wasn’t a happy one.

I have to say the next 25 minutes were among the tensest in my life as I parried my son’s repeated potty pleas with Not yet, Soon, In a few minutes and the increasingly desperate, Almost, baby. Just hold it a little bit longer.

As soon as I felt the plane level off, I rang the Call button again.

“Can I take him now?” I begged the flight attendant. “Please!”

“The seatbelt sign is lit, so I can’t tell you that you can get up,” she said.

“Are you gonna stand in my way?”

“Nope,” she said with a smile, moving aside so I could scoop my boy out of his seat and into the lavatory.

A few minutes later, we slid back into our seats, one dry, not poopy boy and one very relieved mom.

As we buckled our seat belts again, the flight attendant reappeared. “I thought you could use this,” she said with infinite kindness. Then she placed a cup of ice and a bottle of Stoli on my tray table.

 

If you loved this story, you need to hurry on over to Amazon to purchase the SOP book immediately!

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Norine Dworkin-McDaniel is co-author with illustrator Jessica Ziegler of Science of Parenthood: Thoroughly Unscientific Explanations for Utterly Baffling Parenting Situations released in November by She Writes Press. It’s available on Amazon and wherever books are sold. Follow Norine and Jessica on their blog, Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Is Science of Parenthood coming to your town? Check out our tour schedule. Want Science of Parenthood to come to your town? Message us!

8 Things I Actually Miss About Being Pregnant

Originally featured on Scary Mommy

I can hear the gasps now! Wait, what? Who misses being pregnant? All you do is pee yourself, waddle like a duck, gain more weight than you’d like to admit, and complain to your partner nonstop! So let me clarify: I don’t miss pregnancy in a let me go and get knocked up kind of way, but more in a I only miss it now because I don’t have to go through the experience again kind of way.

Since my husband and I have officially nixed any further family expansion plans, I thought I would relish the few fond memories I do have of my last two, brutal, pregnancies.

Besides the obvious (you get a cute little baby at the end) here are some benefits to being pregnant:

1. You can let it all hang out. This by far was the best perk of being pregnant. After many dinners that included seconds and dessert, I didn’t have to worry about sucking my belly in. I could just let it flop down between my legs and no one would guess that the bump was actually the consequence of my shameful indulgences. People look at your belly in awe because you are creating a little life in there, versus whispering to their friends that you may need to lay off the burritos for awhile.

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2. You have a free pass to sleep all the time. I love naps, but I always feel guilty taking them. I feel like that is time I could be spending with my family or being productive, but when I was pregnant, I slept all the time without the guilt! In fact, if anything or anyone came in between my day sleeping and me – there was hell to pay!

3. You have a “Get Out of Jail Free” card. I used this card often when helping with chores, driving, avoiding social events I was too tired for, and even tying my own shoes. It was glorious!

4. You can eat guilt free. Even though I’m typically a healthy eater, I allowed myself some gelato more times than I’d like to admit. You’re eating for two, right? Even though that second person is the size of a lemon, they need just as much gelato as you do. Plus, every bite was worth it.

5. You feel the baby move first. There is something very special about being the only one to share that experience with your baby. You fall in love with your baby first. They fall in love with you first – and that’s some magical shit.

6. You can pamper yourself more often. I had prenatal massages once or twice a month just so I could move, but those two hours were heaven on earth. I also had several pedicures a month. I loved convincing my husband to rub my feet, and he fell for it every time! I just might have to fake an injury or something so I can justify putting this pampering back into my monthly rotation.

7. You have thick gorgeous hair. Your hair looks like you walked out of a salon every day! The shine, the texture, the fullness – where did it go? This last time I lost a lot of hair post-partum. I’m regretting complaining about that lustrous hair now.

8. You have a leg up on any situation. Anytime someone complained about petty shit, you could always say, “I’m creating a life! What are you doing today?” Take that, people who always think they have it so rough!

For all the women who float through pregnancy with ease and love every minute of it, I envy you and almost don’t believe you. Pregnancy was one of the most emotional, and physically draining, things I’ve ever been through, but was absolutely worth it – even if it was just for the guilt-free gelato (and the cute little baby)!

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Embracing The “Suck” of Motherhood

Sometimes you just have to let go.

Sometimes you have to change your expectations and attitude.

Sometimes you have to embrace the suck.

Welcome to motherhood. Where the rules are often made up, life changes on a dime, and the particulars no longer matter.

Like that one time I spent 4 months getting up every 45 minutes to nurse because that’s what my baby now wanted and became so sleep deprived – I was literally walking into walls.

Or that one period when my baby’s first three teeth came came in all at once. (What a nightmare!) Tylenol, teething tablets, and frozen bananas didn’t even come close to calming him and there’s nothing worse than watching your child wail in pain – and you can’t do anything about it.

photo credit: mommasaid.net
photo credit: mommasaid.net

Each and every period of difficulty seems to be never ending. Sometimes I cry buckets of tears, I yell at myself and my baby in intervals, and even yell at God. Why was this happening? Why couldn’t He just give me a break? Is this really too much to ask?

And then the answer came: “Just let it go. It doesn’t matter, anyway. Just let it go.”

“Screw You! I’m so tired, I can’t do this, I can’t just let it go! How am I supposed to just ‘let go’ of not sleeping? I won’t accept it, I will make this kid sleep!”

“If you say so. Then when you’re ready, let go.”

Weeks and months went by of battling what couldn’t be battled, attempting to force something to my will. This was mine and my husband’s son, I should have known better. All in vain, all futile.

One night after another hour long put down/cry/pick-up/rock/put down/repeat cycle, I simply said to him “Ok, I’ll stay with you, you sleep with me tonight. Let me know when you’re ready.”  That’s when the magic happened. I finally embraced the suck, I accepted that I was not in control, and I started to let go of the anger, the frusteration, the helplessness. And things started to turn around, not all at once, but they started.

Our kids are their own person. We’ve become so used to them being our babies while in our womb, we forget they have their own thoughts, feelings, and ideas of how they need to do things. They’re not little adults, they will have plenty of time to get used to doing what other people want and demand of them, so let them be a kid now. As adults we are used to feeling like we have to be in control all the time, and for a tiny little being to render us so completely out of our element, can really stretch a person – and bring up all kinds of emotions. Some of these emotions are negative and may even originate from our own childhoods. Trying not to yell at them the way you were yelled at. Trying to make sure they feel respected, while reminding them YOU are the one in charge. It’s exhausting, draining, and frusterating.

Then, right when you are about to lose it, you somehow manage to realize –  it just doesn’t matter.  Can our little ones irritate us to the point of checking ourselves in for a psych evaluation? Perhaps. Will it always be like this? No, and when it changes – it’s pure magic.

So you shed some tears, that’s normal. Sometimes you’re shaking in anger, or exhausted in defeat. All normal.

Next time you’re feeling this way, open your eyes wider to see that perfect smile and those beautiful little eyes looking at you with pure unconditional love.

Then you can embrace the suck.

And you let it go.

And it is beautiful.​

Ten Things MIL’s Do To Piss Us Off

Excited to bring you my first collaboration piece with the very talented and hilarious, Sara Sadik! We pulled together universal complaints about MIL’s and wanted to share them with you. Enjoy!

Mother-in-law’s, whether you have a great one or not, we can all agree that once grandchildren come along – the dynamic quickly changes. MIL’s somehow emerge as expert parenting know-it-alls and you become the clueless, incompetent mother. There’s an unspoken rule with moms that is somehow lost in the MIL – DIL translation and that is – when someone insults our parenting skills or our kids – we lose our sh*t. Period. No one is more defensive than a mom, and mother-in-law’s should know this. In fact, they tell us about their wicked MIL’s, yet turnaround and pull the same shenanigans on us.

I have to admit, I personally lucked out in the MIL department. My MIL tends to make suggestions verses just ramming her unsolicited advice down my throat, and she knows when I’ve hit my I can’t take this shit anymore limit, at which point she’ll offer me a cocktail as a truce – so I really can’t complain. We actually get along great, probably because we’re both a little crazy. The first time I met her she showed me a picture of herself giving birth to my now husband, and then commented on what big cajones he had as a baby. She was proud of her boy. True story. I died. Love her.

Most everyone else Sara and I know though, would move thousands of miles away just to escape their MIL’s if they could.

Clearly our mother-in-law’s raised great kids or we wouldn’t have fallen in love with their precious boys. Some of their actions prove their hearts are in the right place, and even some of their advice maybe valuable, but most of the BS – we could live without.

We are, however, convinced all MIL’s do and say things just to piss us off, and here’s ten examples Sara and I came up with to prove it:

  • They buy the loudest, most obnoxious, battery-sucking toys they can find that take weeks to put all the million pieces together, only to have our kids play with them for a few days – and then move on. We don’t want that shit, nor do we have space for it!

toys

  • They do the complete opposite of what we ask them to do. If we ask them not to give our kids too much sugar, they take them out for the largest ice cream brownie fudge sundae known to man right before dinner. Awesome, thanks jerks.
  • They tell our kids they can’t do something because “Mommy said no” to make us look like the assholes.
  • They finish every sentence with, “Well I raised three kids and they turned out fine.” We know that, and we are trying to do the same with our own kids.
  • They comment on your appearance. Non-stop. And never in a flattering way. “Yes, perhaps I should get a nose job but…hey, maybe I’ll get a discount when you go in for your liposuction procedure?”
  • They are always shouting. On the phone, in the car, over Skype. We effing hear you! This is cute the first time – not the 50th. Stop yelling.
  • They question everything you do with your child. “Why daycare?” Or “Why not daycare?” Or they tell you what your child likes. I know what they like, I’m with them everyday! I’m not an absent mother.
  • They buy the most horrendous outfits and expect you to dress your child in them. My advice?  Put them in the hideous puke-colored dress and snap a few pictures each with a different scenery so it looks like you actually let your child be seen in it.

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  • They are fixated on your weight. Both, pre-baby and post-baby. The obsession with your weight is only because, “she loves you,” or so your brainwashed husband likes to tell you. And then the fixation starts to include the baby. “She needs to eat more, she’s too skinny.” “What are you feeding her?” Ugh.
  • They spoil your kids rotten, break all the rules, and then send them back to you to deal with the consequences – while evil-laughing inside. Payback is a bitch, they say. We deserve it, they say.

There are few things that quickly bond women together – talk of work, marriage, the weather, and what brand of jeans makes your ass look best. But absolutely nothing bonds two women together like bitching about their MIL’s – then deciding whose is worse.

Let’s all make a promise now that we won’t be like this and if we do, we give our future daughter-in-law’s the permission to punch us in the face.

THE STRESS, SPILLS AND STENCH OF POTTY TRAINING

Every milestone in a mama and baby’s life is challenging. Some are pleasant and perhaps even enjoyable as you navigate your way to the actual accomplishment. Walking and talking are some of those “fun” ones. Potty training – not so much. It’s one of the trickiest milestones I’ve experienced so far. Mostly because training is the most vile. It’s filled with fake smiles, fake congratulations and lots of cleaning products and meditation. Which each win, I scream with excitement for her – but mostly I’m elated because it is one less accident for me to clean up.

(photo credit: http://www.quickpottytrainingonline.com)

Here are 5 other things that go through my mind when attempting to potty train my daughter:

  1. Why am I doing this again? Isn’t there a nursery that will handle this smelly milestone? There should be centers that do this as a service. Drop your kids off, pick them up in two weeks perfectly potty trained. Where can I find such a place?
  2. I’m over it. They have teenage sized diapers, right?
  3. I want to kill Elmo and that damn “potty party song”. I know I will be humming it long after she’s fallen asleep tonight.
  4. Am I doing this all wrong? Should I be giving her a gift every time she pees in the right place? How costly will this be? By the looks of it, not much.
  5. Is that water on the floor? Or pee? Or water? Crap, how many more liquids am I gonna have to do a smell test for?

While I’m worried about the mess and hurrying this process up, I’m sure she has much different thoughts.

Here are 5 things I suspect that go through my daughter’s mind while I attempt to potty train her:

  1. I think I’ll pee in this corner this morning, but will save my poop for up front and center for the smell to spread around – you know, to stay fresh.
  2. What’s the big deal if I poop near the potty? Close enough, right? Oh it has to go in there? Why didn’t you say so? Or did you? I wasn’t listening.
  3. Ahhhh! No diapers? This is much better! Freedom and a nice draft! Why were you keeping me in those bulky underwear? Wait, now I know why.
  4. I feel it coming down my leg so I’ll sit on the potty now. Wait, is that not good enough?
  5. There are so many carpets and corners I have to christen with my bowel movements. How on earth will I get it all done? And why the hell does my mom keep removing my works of art and following me around with that weird looking plastic chair?

Yes, it’s hard. Yes, it’s a huge milestone. I assure you, you will get through it if you remember these things and implement each of them.

Related Post: Pull Your Big Boy Pants Up

Write these down, you’ll thank me later. 

  1. Just relax…they can smell your anxiousness. Fact: They are not going to stop a two year habit in an hour. It takes time.
  2. Keep showing them where mommy pees. Yes, this is totally annoying but shouldn’t we be used to them staring at us while trying to handle our own business? That’s part of mommy hood.
  3. Buy just one potty (yes despite what many of the cultish mommy bloggers say). That’s right. I’m saying use one potty in the same place. Much like a toilet, which is essentially the point, right?
  4. Try to have the same reward you present them with every time they do it in the damn potty – and not smack dab in the middle of your living room carpet, hallway or on your shoes.            Tip: Blowing bubbles really worked for us. Much better than my husband’s suggested positive reinforcement of chocolate, which only resulted in three bouts of diarrhea – a truly enjoyable thing when potty training.
  5. Take advice from everyone but most importantly listen to your child – they will let you know when they’re ready, and follow your gut. A mom’s gut knows best!

Best of luck and and remember, we all pooped on carpets once too! This too shall pass!

Your Typical Saturday Night: Pre/Post Kids

Boy, how life changes once you have kids. Not that we were party animals or Chicago socialites prior to  parenthood, but our weekends did include sleep, festivals, non-animated movies and several adult beverages. Now they are chaotic and a bit overwhelming – but something we definitely wouldn’t change.

Here’s an ode to the good ole’ Saturdays verses what they look like now.

Enjoy.

What Moms Really Want for Mother’s Day

Because moms only get one day a year to be nationally recognized, why not go all out for her this year? Yes sentimental gifts are nice and bring tears to our eyes, but what do we really want? Let me enlighten you now…..

Silence – Real, absolute silence. This means take the kids far, far, far away for the day. Quite time is not the same if you just go into the playroom and she can still hear screaming and crying from a few feet away. Doesn’t count. Moms need silence to clear her thoughts, hear herself breathe and be able to truly relax.

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Pampering – A massage package, mani-pedi day, facial; any of these will do. We need someone to work out those kinks and make us feel pretty since we’re normally covered in food particles and vomit. Also, you need to pay someone to do this. No offense, but your massages are bogus in comparison.

Maid Service – Even if it’s just a one-time service, the small fee is worth it! Trust me, mom will love it! Having someone come and clean the house just eliminates one of the many tasks on our plate, and is deeply appreciated. If you can’t afford a maid service, take over the cleaning for an entire week – and do a good job.

Girl’s Night – Give her a spontaneous girls night out! She’ll never make the plans herself because she’s always too busy – so do it for her. While she is out do NOT text or call her to ask questions. This ruins the night. Besides, whatever it is, you can handle it.

Date Night – If she doesn’t do girls nights; plan a date night. Adults only, and you do all the work! Make it a seamless night for her to enjoy herself and make sure it includes a lot of adult beverages.

Let her sleep in – Wake up early and take the kids to breakfast or to play outside so she can get some much needed shut eye.

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Let her go to the bathroom alone. Being able to pee alone is a luxury for a mom. We want just one day where we don’t have a little human staring at us in our private moment asking if we’re going poo-poo. We also don’t need their help wiping.

Change every diaper for an entire day. Just one day free from wiping poopy butts, snot, puke and what ever else my baby secretes would be magical.

Oh, and go ahead and throw in something shiny just for the hell of it. She deserves it.

Happy Mother’s Day!

 

 

9 Reasons Why We Should Spoil Mom

Being a mom is one of the most rewarding jobs on the planet, but let’s be honest here – this job also comes with burnout, sleep deprivation and zero compensation.

Because my kids are little, most days I feel like I’m drowning. I check the clock what feels like every few hours only to realize a measly ten minutes have passed. When did the days get so long, and yet I still can’t seem to get caught up – the work never ends! I find myself trying to prioritize every little thing. Should I feed my kids or do the ten loads of laundry staring me in the face? Well, I guess I’ll go another day wearing these same yoga pants and a shirt laced with baby puke.

These horrendous working conditions deserve a day of pampering, and here’s why we desperately need one:

We get paid for sh*t – The going rate to be a mom is currently a big fat goose egg. If you added up all the things we do I’m sure we could easily rack in a six-figure salary, plus a few bonuses.

No comp days – Have the flu? Strep throat? Sorry, get your butt to work. When you’re a mom, there are no days off. You can’t tell your kid, “Sorry you’re not eating today because mommy is sick.” You have to pick yourself up and take one for the team.

No paid vacations – Taking a vacation with kids can get pretty pricy and even if you do get the chance to go – it’s not really a vacation for you. You’re doing all the same mom-work just in a different location.

We work 24/7 – Middle of the night? You’re on call. Weekends? No sleeping in. Evenings? Yep working those, too. No breaks for you.

No one cares about your CEO title – Just because you’re the CEO of the household doesn’t warrant you special privileges. You still have to wipe butts and snotty noises, and your kids won’t listen to you either.

We have to deal with hazardous materials – I’ve spent the last 5 years cleaning up vomit, feces and God knows what else. I’m pretty sure the hospital should just provide HAZMAT suits when they send you home with your baby.

We get beat up – Especially if you’re a boy mom. Everyday there’s flying toys and wrestling going on in my house. Enter at your own risk.

No recognition – We only get one day a year that is dedicated to us. What’s up with that? I think we should have a mom-hour every day. Who’s with me?

Hold several positions – Moms hold many positions to include: chef, maid, financial advisor, bookkeeper, superhero, monster killer and boo-boo healers.

Where’s Freddy Prinze Jr’s. soccer team friends when you need them? Where’s this village we say it takes to raise a child? All the people in my village are drowning, too. All I’m really asking for is a 15 minute break so I can at least pee alone, send an email without a toddler trying to attack my laptop, eat a meal sitting down and be on-time somewhere just once. I would also suggest throwing in a guiltless shoe fund. That’s not asking for much. Even though we do not get monetary compensation or much recognition for our endless efforts, we do get unconditional love and lots of kisses and hugs – which in the end makes it totally worth it. But it is nice to dream…

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Becoming A Mom Made Me A Cry Baby

We all know that pregnancy wreaks havoc on our bodies, but I’m pretty sure it alters our brains too.  Not only have I developed Momneisa (where you forget everything), but I’ve also turned into a emotional hot mess since having my kids. I used to pride myself into being the rock everyone leaned on. I was never one to get emotional or cry. Crying, although can be healthy at times, always made me feel weak and out of control so I mostly reserved it for the privacy of my own shower. Once I got it out, I’d pull my big girl pants up and move on.

Since becoming a mother, I’ve apparently misplaced my big girl pants. I essentially cry at anything and everything, especially when it comes to my kids. I would even venture to say I’m one cry away from a permanent role in a bad Hallmark movie.

Sometimes I actually laugh at myself once I’ve realized what I was crying about.  Why does everything pull at my heart strings now? Why does becoming a mom open up the flood gate of tears we used to be able to control? Do our hormones ever balance out? Should I just accept the fact that I’ll need to carry around a slew of tissues in my pocket moving forward?

Here are just some of the things I’ve cried over in the last few weeks – but first let me grab a Kleenex.

Get them ready!
Get them ready!

Pampers commercials – The marketing and advertising team behind these are brilliant! First thing I learned in sales was in order to create loyalty you have to make an emotional connection. Bingo, Pampers! Even though I cloth diaper these commercials make me want to buy Pampers. So enough of the cute babies sleeping and mom’s embracing all the amazing moments of having babies – it’s making me cry!

Lysol commercial – There was an online video that appeared in my newsfeed about bringing home baby from the first time. The video brought me back to that moment when my first son was born and the look on my husband and I’s face like: WHOA, my heart just exploded and by the way, what do we do now? Guys, I’m literally tearing up writing this! What’s wrong with me?

“Appreciating your mom” posts – Raise your hand if you appreciate and love your mom so much more now that you’re a mom! Anytime I see a friend post about their mom, I get emotional.  Love you, mom!!

My son told me he loved me – Every now and again, my older son will walk over and tell me he has a present for me. When I ask him what it is, he grins from ear to ear and says, “I love you, momma”. Then proceeds to hug me tighter than normal. Cue the water works!

I cleaned out my baby’s clothes – My little guy just turned one so it was time to go through all his baby clothes for donation. Looking at all those little onesies and knowing I’ll never use them again made me ugly cry.

My face minus all the make-up
My face minus all the make-up

I sold some baby gear – Same emotion as above. I had to use one hand to pry my other hand off the Jumperoo. My uterus didn’t want to let it go.

I couldn’t get my son in for a haircut – Sometimes parenting is really overwhelming! As a type A, I don’t like my time to be wasted. Time is not a luxury I have so when I took my son in for a hair cut and they told me it would be a 45 minute wait, I went to my car and lost it. I went home and cut his hair myself. Bad idea.

My son helped me decorate the tree for the first time – This was the first year he really understood the holidays. We put all the ornaments on together and after – I cried. Why? I don’t know.

I glanced at my baby in his crib and realized how big he suddenly is – Why do they grow so fast? I feel like every night I look at him he grows another inch. He is losing his “baby-ness” and it makes me emotional, of course.

Any story I saw about a child hurting or that is ill – I literally break down whenever I see a news story about a child that is sick or hurt. Why do I always click to read these stories when I know I’m just going to cry about them? It’s torture!

My “baby” turned one – Baby Center sent me an email calling him a toddler. Lost it.

I can’t be the only one who’s added “sensitive cry baby” to my personal resume, right? Maybe once I stop nursing the tears will subside? Maybe I’m mistaking love for being sensitive? Does loving something so much make you a cry baby? If so, I guess I’ll just continue to cry.

Heartbreak Hotel: Party of One

Over the past few weeks my son has developed a major crush on a fellow student. He can’t stop talking about her and he lights up when you say her name. He also draws her countless pictures. The very first picture he made for her he nonchalantly called me over to him and asked, “Momma how do I draw a heart?” Oh what a sweetheart he wants to put hearts on a picture for me, he sure does love his mommy. I was shocked when I finally looked at the picture because I noticed he wrote in big letters, E-L-L-L-I-E  right above his own name. In between the names he left the perfect space – for a heart.

“Who’s this?”

“Who?”

“This,” pointing at the letters.

“My girlfriend.”

“Your GIRLFRIEND?”

“Yes, I llloooovee her.”

What? Is he kidding? What about me? Who is this chick?

“Um, okay.”

“Can show me how to draw a heart now, please?”

Immediately I felt a punch to the heart. My husband looked on with a boyish grin because he knew I would be festering with jealousy. I did help my son draw a heart though; I just drew it next to my name instead that I had strategically added to the portrait.  What should’ve my response been? Invite her over for dinner? Call her mom and tell her I’m jealous of her daughter? Encourage my son to love other women besides me? Maybe when he’s older fine, however right now I want to be his number one girl. After all I went through having him he owes me, right? Yes, I’m being dramatic but I can’t help it – he’s my heart.

One of the MANY pictures he made for her this week.
One of the MANY pictures he made for her this week.

Apparently a son is a son until he takes a wife, but a daughter is a daughter for all her life. I would like to remind you my son is still a toddler, four to be exact, which means he is still a baby to me.  I’m pretty sure he isn’t “taking a wife” anytime soon, but why only four years in have I lost him already?  This is not his first crush either, (her name was Gabby)  and I know it won’t be his last.

At least it’s comforting to know I have my other son who’s still a baby.  I haven’t seen him trying to sneak a kiss during tummy time on his playdates, so I think I’ve got some more time with him.  As much as I would love to sabotage their future crushes, I know it’s part of life and I just need to get over it.  Deep inside I know I will always be their first love, but how am I, or better yet my heart, going to make it through their teenaged years and adulthood? I guess I’ll go ahead and cancel my original plans of accompanying them to prom.  I may need to start taking sedatives now in preparation.

In the end, I would want nothing more than for both of my boys to experience love and have a partner in life, but I was hoping that person would be me – at least for a little while.

My boys 1
My Angel Pies