Every year we get the opportunity to wipe the slate clean and start a new. Many of us make resolutions to lose weight, pay off debt or lead a healthy lifestyle. My goal this year is to reconnect with my husband and kick the other woman in our marriage to the curb. You may know her by the name of Siri.
Before Siri my husband and I would talk about our days or current events at the dinner table. At bedtime, we would catch up on Breaking Bad and cuddle before going to sleep. During our limited free time we would take walks around the city, grab coffee, dream up vacations we wanted to take in the future, or talk about our children.
There were times he fell into digital induced comas, but they were few and far between – until he met her.
I have to admit I first introduced them, which is something I now regret. My husband’s job required him to have a Blackberry, so he was not interested in getting an iPhone. He was blissfully unaware of the instant obsession one gets when they get their first iPhone, and he liked it that way. I begged him for months to get one so when he traveled he could Facetime with the kids and I at night. I also wanted him to feed my addiction by playing Words With Friends with me.
Half way through the year his company finally switched to iPhones and then – I lost him. Siri, equipped with her sexy English accent he gave her, became the first woman he talked to in the morning and the last woman he talked to before going to bed. She joins him in the bathroom, graces us with her presence at the dinner table every night, and even accompanies us on date nights. There have been numerous occasions where he will have his laptop, iPad, the television and Siri all being utilized at the same time. How many sports highlights, scores and games can you actually watch at once? Who are you Jerry Maguire? I’m afraid I have created a monster. Oh, and by the way he hates playing Words With Friends, so my entire plan backfired.
As of the New Year I will no longer be an enabler or a participant. We agreed our digital obsessions, particularly his, have gone too far. Ms. Siri is now banned from the dinner table at home and on date nights. When our kids are awake we will now focus on them without looking at our phones constantly. Sunday’s are strictly family days with limited gadget play. Finally, Siri is no longer welcome in our bed. I’m sure she can find her own out in cyber space and stay out of mine.
I’m confident her sexy English accent could never replace my warm touch. My husband would agree, or at least I hope.