I recently came to the realization that I am never satisfied. By satisfied, I mean I am always on a quest for the next level. This pertains to my career, my marriage, my accomplishments or just life in general. Trying to find balance in my perpetual pursuit of happiness has been difficult and exhausting. What does “having it all” really mean? When is my “all” going to be enough?
Being a driven person is something I pride myself in, however it can also be a curse. I often think: Once I accomplish (insert goal) I will be happier, or I will feel more satisfied. Only to find when I reach that goal, I immediately start looking for something else to give me further feeling of worth. It’s only when others notice my accomplishments that I say to myself, Holy cr*p, I can’t believe I did that either!
Sometimes I confuse being driven with taking on way too much, and missing out on what is important today. I’ve had this discussion with many fellow colleagues, friends and family. All of who concur with these findings. Is it an addiction? An adrenaline rush, we long for? Is it society pushing us to our limits with their American Dream mantras? When did we lose sight of today in our continuous efforts to be better, bigger, and greater tomorrow?
Where is the Dali Lama when you need him? Does anyone have his number?
Once you get to the top, is it worth it? I always say, “It is much easier to get to the top, then it is to stay at the top.” Is the money worth the stress? Mo’ money, mo’ problems! Is all your success worth missing important milestones in your child’s life? When are the opportunity costs worth the reward? This is something I struggle with daily. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or give the impression I am not happy, because I most certainly am. Things could always be much worse, and trust me, they have been. I just don’t want to have any qualms later in life, wishing I had taken that vacation, or regretting not spending more time with my family.
So what now? Learn to say no? Not care about the expectation of me from others? Put me and my family first? Yes, yes and yes. This is my quest for this year, and I invite you to join me. Time waits for no one, not even you my friend.