If you’re a mom, you’ve received unwanted advice at some point during your parenting journey – it’s a given. Most of the time, out of politeness, the average mom will just smile and nod whenever bombarded with all the inappropriate parenting suggestions thrown at her. But just for fun, here are responses to some common unsolicited advice we all (including me!) really WISH we could say:

• “You really should sleep when the baby sleeps.” Are YOU going come over and clean my entire house and do laundry? Didn’t think so.

• “Why can’t you come to our dinner party that starts at 8 pm? Bring your daughter, too!” Um, how about… No! Do you know what happens to a child if they stay up past their bedtime? The nightmare becomes mine!

• “She just frowned. She must be ill. You should take her to the doctor.” Please zip it.

• “Why don’t you bring her to this extortionately priced place for a playdate?”  To play for an hour and be over it, and then I’m out half a paycheck? Why don’t you just stop talking?

• “Speak to her in French/German/Swahili! Kids can pick up lots of languages super easily.” I wish you would not speak at all.

• “She needs her freedom. Take her out of the stroller.” Your mouth is so pretty when its shut!

• “If you feed her while she sits on your lap instead of the high-chair, she’ll probably eat more.” Stop. Please.

• “Why do you put her to bed so early? Let her stay up and play some more!” Because I need a break, too! Seriously. Stop.

• “Remember that awesome cake/meal you made before you had a baby? You should totally make one of those again. Today!” Do you remember that awesome time you shut up? Make your own meal!

• “You need to stop cuddling her so much, or you’ll end up spoiling her.” I really can’t recall asking for your opinion.

• “Hold on, I’m going to send you a really long video of my kid doing ____ and you have to watch it to the end, which is the best part.” Sure, because I have all the time in the world. No. Just no.

• “You should try feeding her ___” (insert name of food item that I’m clearly not feeding her). Are you kidding me right now? You should try to STFU. 

• “You need to be firmer with her. If you don’t put her in her place from now, she’ll never know who’s boss.” It’s you I need to be firmer with!

• “Why don’t you dip her pacifier in some juice so she enjoys it more?” Please, shut your pie hole!

• “Oh just take her out of the car seat for a while. She doesn’t like it.” Thanks Captain Obvious. Can I lock you in one?

• Start potty training her even if she’s not ready. It’ll be a breeze.” You’re hurting my ears!

• “The latest research suggests you should ban screen-time completely.” All I’m hearing right now is blah, blah blah. I need to ban you!

• “Why don’t you just have another baby now, and get it all done in one go?” Why don’t you just get your vocal cords removed?

• “Aren’t those your maternity jeans? We should go shopping this weekend to buy you a new pair.” Or… You should shut up.

• “You really need a haircut.” No shit, Sherlock. Why don’t you watch my kid so I can go?

What are some things you’re tired of hearing?? Let’s commiserate!